Chocolate Jokes

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I wonder why chocolate melts in my hand, I mean am I that hot?

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A hippie saunters into an urban Bar & Grill and orders a cheeseburger.
"But make sure to make it not too well done, not too rare, but just in the groove." The waiter is a little annoyed at this, but serves him the burger.
"Waiter!" the hippie says after a little bit. "Could I get a cup of tea? Not too weak, not too strong, but just in the groove." More annoyed now, the waiter contemplates рissing in the tea, but doesn''t.
"Waiter!" the hippies says a little later. "Could I get some ice cream? Not too chocolate, not too vanilla, but just in the groove."
"Wait," said the waiter. "I have another idea. How ''bout you kiss my аss? Not too much to the right, not too much to the left, but just in the groove."

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What is a gorilla's favorite cookie?
Chocolate chimp!

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I was taking my weekly trip to the ice cream store. When I arrived cops surrounded the store & they had the store entrance sealed up. I asked a cop who was standing near by what happened, he replied "we were called by a member of the public who entered the store to find the owner lying face down on the floor and he was covered from head to toe in syrup, nut sprinkles and chocolate sprinkles." I asked what they thought happened and the cop replied, "He topped himself."

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Guy:
"Did you know that 15 minutes of sеx burns off the calories gained by eating one chocolate?"
*hands girl box of chocolates*
Girl:
"Awww, interesting, but why give me the entire box?
Guy:
"Eat the whole thing - I have plans for you tonight"
AWWWWW YEAH

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MONDAY:
Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY:
Fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when my friends came over for supper.

WEDNESDAY:
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY:
New salad recipe: prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. This led to the neighbors wondering whey why I was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY:
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When
I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out another new recipe on. If we could just get a вiggеr oven, I would like to do a Chocolate Moose.

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"How the diet going?"

"Not good, I had eggs for breakfast."

"Scrambled?"

"No, chocolate."

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A guy walks into an ice-cream shop with his wife and his son. He says, “I’ll have a chocolate cone.”
His wife says, “I’ll have a vanilla cone.” Then the man slaps his son on the back of the head and says, “What do you want, Fат Head?”
The lady behind the counter asks, “Why did you smack him and call him fат head?”
The husband replies, “There are 3 things in life a man wants! The first thing is a nice big truck. You see that nice big truck sitting out there? That’s mine! The second thing a man wants in life is a nice big house. You see that great big house on top of the hill on the edge of town? That’s mine! The third thing a man wants in life is a nice tight рussy and I had that until Fат Head came along!”

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FORREST in EVERYONE'S LIFE
Forrest Gump Life is like a Box of chocolates...
Forrest Dahmer People are like a box of chocolate, YUM!
Forrest Simpson Mmmmm, chocolate!
Forrest the Нun Chocolate all mine!
Forrest Simmons Chocolate is bad!, EXERCISE EXERCISE!
Forrest Rivera People who like Chocolate..Next on 'Forrest'
Forrest Jackson Little kids like my box of chocolates
Forrest Hefner Keep the chocolate, lose the box.
Forrest Shakespeare Chocolate, or no chocolate that's the question
Forrest Of Borg All chocolates must be assimilated
Forrest Presley Hunk a hunk of milk chocolate
Forrest Zen I am one with the chocolate
Forrest McClaine I used to be a box of Chocolates
Forrest Ventura Chocolates..Alll-Riighty then...
Forrest Lauper People just wanna have chocolate
Forrest Turner What's chocolate gotta do, gotta do with it?
Forrest Bones Dаммiт Jim, I'm a Dr., not a box of chocolate
Forrest Spock Logically speaking, we are all chocolate
Forrest Scotty The box, she's breaking apart Capt'n
Forrest Сhrisт Let he without sin, eat the first chocolate
Forrest Rooney Why is it, that we are all chocolates?
Forrest Butler Frankly Scarlett, I don't like chocolate
Forrest O'Hara Tomorrow, is another box of chocolates.
Forrest Lee Fight with your inner chocolate
Forrest Clinton I didn't inhale the cream centers
Forrest Davidson I will inhale the cream filled centers
Forrest Doo Roinks Raggy, Rocolates!
Forrest Pig Life is a box of chok-choa-che..candy
Forrest Marx That's the weirdest box of chocolates I've ever seen....
Forrest Nicholson You want chocolate, you can't handle chocolate
Forrest Copperfield Рооf, the chocolates are gone!
Forrest Нiтlеr White Chocolates only!
Forrest the Frog Someday we'll find it,
Forrest Vader Luke, I am your chocolate
Forrest Yoda There is a dark chocolate, and a light chocolate.

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I got the perfect body for an eighth grader. Yeah, if this were junior high, I'd be the man, y'all. Dамn near be the bully, alright? Be that crazy dude over by the monkey bars:
'Man, Sully's crazy -- he drank three chocolate milks today.'

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It’s only 108 days till Easter and there are No Chocolate Eggs in the shops yet..
*
Fuскing Panicking Now …

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A n old man is lying on his deathbed with all his children, grandchildren and his older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old man in is a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours.
Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks: “I must be dreaming of heaven. I smell your grandmother’s chocolate cake.”
“No, grandfather, you are not dreaming” his eldest son tells him. Grandmother is baking a chocolate cake now.”
“I know I will never have another taste of her delicious chocolate cake after this one. Could you please go down and get me a sliver?” the old man begs with what is left of his final breath.
One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man’s last request. After a long time, the boy returns empty-handed.
“Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother’s delicious chocolate cake?” the old man plaintively queries.
“I’m very sorry, grandfather, but she says it’s for the funeral.”

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What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? "I'm sweet on you!"

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Chuck Norris knows how they get the caramel inside the chocolate bar.

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This is the best quote ever: Chocolate is very healthy because chocolate comes from coco beans. Coco beans come from a plant. A plant is healthy... So there you have it chocolate is very healthy.

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One day on the way home from work, I stopped at the local pharmacy. And while I was checking out, I picked up some candy to take home for my seven-year-old son and me.
It was a bag of gold coins (gold foil-covered chocolate candy coins).
There were many sizes, from dime to dollar. I took the bag home. Then my son and I opened the bag and ate all of the coins, my son taking the вiggеr dollar-sized ones and me taking the smaller ones.
The next day, my wife, my son and I stopped at the pharmacy again to pick up a few things. While my wife and I were shopping, we noticed that our son had picked up a Gold Coin соndом. Before we could catch him, he took it up to the counter and asked the pharmacist: “What’s this?”
The woman, looking very serious, said: “That’s a соndом, son.”
To which my son replied: “My daddy bought me some of these yesterday!”
With a disgusted look on her face, the pharmacist replied: “Those are NOT for children, young man.”
And finally, my son replied: “Then I’ll buy this one for my Daddy. He likes the LITTLE ones!”
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Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:

*Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.

*You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in you Jell-O.

*Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a chocolate Ding Dоng.

*The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.

*Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.

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I see that they have discovered a hidden pyramid……when they looked inside the explorers found a tomb containing a king, wrapped in gold…..when they unwrapped him, he was covered in chocolate and nuts.
They reckon they’ve found the tomb of Pharoah Rocher.

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