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Give a Nigerian a fish he'll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince and start e-mailing people.
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It probably seems like I'm listening to your story, but I'm really thinking, "close your fuскing menu or the waiter will never come over."
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Hello, you've reached 1-800-NARCISSIST, how can you help me?
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She said I wanna look bomb in the party. I said don't worry, we'll have a blast.
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I hate when people use words without knowing the meaning... gives me a huge hysterectomy on the side of my head.
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I like the sound of you not talking.
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My teen sent my call directly to voicemail on the phone she used to have.
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For years, I struggled with dyslexia. Mostly because I was spelling it wrong.
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What do call an Irishman sitting by the pool? Раddy O'Furniture.
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I start every conversation with my employees by saying, "I shouldn't be telling you this" just so I know they will listen.
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You haven't texted me since you went to bed. Are we ok?
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I hate the part of the conversation where the other person says things.
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Stories of untold sufferring never stay that way.
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What do I say if a Mexican walks by me and daddy? Say "Here are the tacos."
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So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response.
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So sorry I asked if your makeup was by Picasso.
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My boyfriend said he didn't have a date that same day I caught him eating one.
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When some one types "kys," the way you can get them back is type, "Kiss? Aww, thanks!" They wil probably think you are sтuрid, but it is still hilarious.
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