Dad Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular
0
0
0

A father put his 3-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said,
"I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy сrар" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the сrаск of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said,
"I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?" He said,
"I don't want to talk about it, I just had the worst day of my life." She said,
"You think you had a bad day? You'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch!"
0
A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school.
After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut.
Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework.
The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad.
Looking at it they see under math an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, “What changed your mind about learning math?”
The son looked at mom and dad and said, “Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher’s desk and I knew they meant business.”
0
0
A young farm-girl answers the door and sees an older neighbour standing there.
“My Dad ain’t home,” the young girl says, “but I know what you want and I am sure I can help you. You want our bull to service your соw. Well, my Dad charges four hundred bucks for his best bull.”
“That’s not I want,” growled the neighbour
“We also have a young bull who is just starting out. My Dad charges three hundred bucks for him,” she replies.
“That’s not I want either,” growls the neighbour.
“Well then, we have an old bull out in the pasture. He can still do the job. My Dad charges only one hundred bucks for him.” she informs him.
“That’s not what I want at all. I came here to see your Dad about your brother. Your brother made my daughter pregnant,” the neighbour hisses.
“Oh. I guess you’ll have to see my Dad about that then, because I don’t know what he charges for him.”
0
0
0
A son is in his room and the mom comes in and says do you need to shower and he said yeah I need to shower and the Mom says you can shower with me if you don't look up or down as soon as the get in the shower the son looks up and asks the Mom what are those and the Mom answer and says those are headlights then he looks down and asked what's that she says it's the tunnel the next day the dad asked the son do you need to shower the son said yes and the dad said you can shower with me as long as you don't look down as soon as they get in the shower the son looks down and says what's that and the dad says that's a train that night he has a nightmare and asked his head parents if he could sleep with them and the say as long as you don't look under the covers once he gets in the bed the son looks under the covers and says "MOM TURN ON THE HEADLIGHTS THE TRAINS GOING IN THE TUNNEL"
0
0
0

0
0
0
0
0
0