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Dad Jokes

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Samson was a biblical tough guy, but his dad Samsonite was even more of a hard case.
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Baby boy: *Gurgling*
Mother: Aww, you're soo cute I'll give you a kiss
Dad: Let me as well
Baby boy: Ha, GAYYYYYY!
Dad: ...
Dad: Where did he learn that?
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“Mummy, mummy, what’s a рussy?” asked the small boy. His mother went to the encyclopaedia and showed him a picture of a cat. “That’s a рussy,” she said. “Mummy, mummy, what’s a вiтсh?” continued the little boy. Again, mother consulted the encyclopaedia and showed her son a picture of a dog. But the boy wasn’t convinced so he went to his father and asked him what a рussy was. Dad went to his magazine, opened it at the centrefold and drew a circle. “There you are, son,” he said, “that’s a рussy.” Then the little boy asked him what a вiтсh was and dad replied sadly, “Everything outside the circle, son
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Girl: Mom, what's the difference between sеx and rаре?
Mom: Well, sеx is when both couples like having it, while rаре is when only one is enjoying it and the other is feeling like it's a nightmare.
Girl: Well, then I think dad is rарing you, cuz I hear you saying 'stop it' all the time to him.
Mom: ...
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Why are these kids bringing all these guns to school? And the parents never know:
'Oh, we had no idea. We didn't know.' How could you not know that your kids are making 30 pipe bombs in the garage? My dad knew if I broke wind in the backyard.
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Was ist los? Семейството на Иванчо живеели в едностаен апартамент. Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. Zenek i Maria uznali Подружня пара. Чоловік каже: - Люба Os pais do Joãozinho descobriram que o único jeito de se livrarem de seu filho de sete anos por algumas horas no domingo para fazerem sexo seria colocá-lo na varanda do apartamento e pedir para ele... Het is zondagmiddag en de ouders van Jantje hebben onweerstaanbare zin in een potje sex. Helaas Johan och Maria kom underfund med att det enda sättet att få till en söndagssnabbis var att skicka ut deras tioårige son på balkongen för att rapportera vad som hände i grannskapet. Pojken... Móricka szülei C'est Samedi après-midi et Zé et Ginette ont une sacrée envie d'un peu d'intimité pour une partie de jambes en l'air. Malheureusement pour eux Les parents de Toto ont envie d’une petite après-midi coquine et intime. Ils demandent donc à leurs fils d’aller prendre l’air sur le balcon et de noter les activités des voisins. Sur le balcon Föräldrarna hade länge funderat över hur de skulle få till en söndagssnabbis utan att deras 10 åriga son Anders skulle se dem. De kom på att han kunde gå ut på balkongen och berätta vad som hände i... Vīrs ar sievu nolemj A little johnnys parents decided that the only way to have a quickie while their son johnny was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was... Mama si tatal lui Bula stateau la garsoniera. Ei vroiau sa faca sex si nu stiau cum sa scape de Bula. Ii vine o idee tatalui : T: Bula ia iesi tu pe balcon si zi ce mai e pe afara. Bula se duce si... Nutarė Petriuko tėvai pasimylėti. Bet Petriukas vis namuose trinasi Ein junges Paar mit fünfjährigem Sohn hat keinen Babysitter gefunden
Wanting to have a quick love-making session, the couple told their 8-year-old son to go stand on the balcony with a popsicle and to report to them all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into action.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. A few moments passed.
"An ambulance just drove by." A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike."
A few moments later, "Looks like the Sanders are moving... and Jason is on his skate board." A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sеx."
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having sеx?"
"Because Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a popsicle too."
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Joe’s dad scolded him for breaking a neighbor’s window with a baseball. “What did he say to you when you broke his window?” asked the father. “Do you want to hear what he said with or without the bad words?” “Without, of course.”
“Well, then, he said nothing.”
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Chris had just turned 16 had long hair, and look like Joe Dirt. He went to his dad and asked:
"Dad it is my 16th birthday! I would like you to by me a car for my birthday.” So his dad replied, "Son, I will buy you any car that you want as long as you raise your grades AND cut your hair." Chris said ok. The next week, Chris brought home a report card he had raised all his grades from c's and d's to all a's. His father was very happy! Now Chris was so excited he told his dad what car he wanted a, convertible mustang (red). His dad said,
"Chris you haven't cut your hair." Chris replied, "Well Jesus had long hair." His dad said,
"Yeah, and Jesus walked everywhere he went!"
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Boy: hey baby, maybe you should come over and I can show you a good time. It's really hard
Girls dad: this is Serena's dad, what exactly will she be doing with something hard?
Boy: oh... Hey mr Gonzales I was wandering if Serena wanted to come play video games with me on hard mode.
Girls dad: well Serena isn't have now but I could come over and try, I love video games.
Boy: I don't think it's hard anymore...
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A 5 year old kid opened his birthday present to find a new toy car. He went up to his father who had just finished dying his hair. The kid was upset. “Dad, I wanted a red toy car and not a blue one.”
The father replied, “A car is a car. Red or blue, color doesn’t matter.”
The kid said, “Then dad, hair is hair. White or black, color doesn’t matter.”
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One day dad and his son taking a bath suddenly son fall down but survive by caught his dad реnis,and dad smile looking his son down and say if it was your mom you will lose teeth
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Your dad'll whack you a couple of times and move on. You рiss off your mom: their eyes roll back, that third lip comes down. She whipped me with a dog collar one time -- dog still in it.
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When the Jones family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked five-year-old Sammy how he liked the new place.
"It's terrific," he said. "I have my own room, Mike has his own room, and Jamie has her own room. But poor mom is still stuck with dad."
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My dad found out I had an imaginary girlfriend.
He said, “You know, you could do better.”
“Thanks dad, that means a lot,” I replied.
“I was talking to your girlfriend.”
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So there I sat with my parents watching a hot romantic movie and just then the guy in the movie started kissing his girl and touching her all over. We all knew what was coming up next but I was determined not to get out of the room. I glanced up to my father and saw that his eyes had become deadly red and yet I continued to sit. Just as the guy was taking off the girls skirt,my dad looked up at me and yelled,”Boy go and iron the car!!
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My dad was a bigot. He was prejudiced to the core -- and the one race he truly hated the most were the humans.
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I was getting ready to go to choir practice when I heard my dad say, "Don't forget a bucket."
Confused, I replied, "A bucket? Why?"
“You’ll need something to help you carry a tune."
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My dad used to always warn me about аnаl. He would say "Now son, this may hurt a bit".
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