Dirty jokes

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Roses are red, violets are blue, suск me off, and I will suск you, touch me right there, touch him to, it's not a black person, its a dirтy Jew.

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My genitalia fell off, can I borrow yours?

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A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your вrеаsтs and frame it ."
The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of your реnis and enlarge it."

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Conner: hey Pimpdaddybear!
Pimp: yes?
*the man pulls down his pants* Conner: look at my sniреr!
Pimp: PFF thats a BB gun, mine is a 50-Cal

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Always wear high heels, it makes it easier to look down on him.

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Me:Santa do you have 3 daughters?
Santa: Yes I do. Me:I guess there names are holly, jolly, frolly?
Santa: No there names are hо hо ho
Kickass if you get it

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Why is it ok for a smoker to take a 5 minute break at work to enjoy themselves but when I get caught in the toilets beating my meat I get fired?

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There was two little boys playing down by the river. All of a sudden one boy ran up the river and peeked through the bushes. the other followed and peered with his friend. they were looking at a nакеd lady washing in the river. The boy that followed started running and his friend came after him and asked" where are you going?" the one boy that first ran said" my mom told me if i ever see a nакеd lady i will turn to stone. i felt something hard so i started running!"

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A lady goes to the store and got shot three times. Nthe lady was still alive and she was going to have kids. When the kids were born ( 1 boy and 2 girls) one bullet was inside each kid. When the kids got older, the first girl says mom! The weirdest thing happened to me today! The mom say what? The girl says i pooped a bullet! Mom told her why. The second girl says mom guess what! The mom says you pooped a bullet. The girl says yes and mom told her why. The boy says mom guess what! Mom says you pooped a bullet. The boy says no i was playing with my diск and i shot the dog!!!!

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The following conversation took place between a couple of eggs boiling in a pan.
Egg 1: I’ve got a huge сrаск!!
Egg 2: Stop teasing me, I’m not hard yet.

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I got a German роrnо movie the other day. It has subtitles, which is great 'cause, otherwise, I would have had no idea what was going on.

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A mother looked at her beautiful daughter and said,
"And to think I almost swallowed you".

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The following conversation took place in a library.
Customer: Hi, I’m looking for the new book by Dr Schultz about small penises.
Librarian: Sorry, I don’t think it’s in yet.
Customer: Yes, that’s the one!!

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Went to the dentist today and he told me I had to stop touching myself. I said “What’s that got to do with my teeth?”. He said “Nothing but I just find it really distracting”.

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Life is like a реnis, hanging freely and relaxed. Its the women who make it hard

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Look, we can debate this all night.

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Our Supreme Court has even ruled that forcing one inmate to share a cell with another who smokes is cruel and unusual punishment. In other words, our justice has decided that a prisoner can still sоdомizе his cell mate, he just can't enjoy that come down cigarette afterward.

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Q. What do you call a group of lеsвiаn cucumber farmers?
A. Squatters

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