Dirty jokes

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If I go to the shop, I get two regular movies and one роrnо flick. I always get the two regular movies just so the cashier won't think I'm full pervert.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to
Have a little fun. Silly Jill forgot to pill and
Now they have a son. ????

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One day a man goes to the beach to get a tan, he is wearing no clothes except for a newspaper to cover his privates. A little girl walk up to him and asks "What is under the newspaper?" the man replies "Oh, that's my birdy, don't touch it." Soon after, he falls asleep. When he woke up he realized he was in a hospital and he felt a tense pain in his private area. He sees the little girl sitting beside his bed. "What happened?" the man asks "Oh, uh yeah when you fell asleep I went and played with your birdy but then it spat on me sooo I broke it's neck, smashed it's eggs and burned it's nest."

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Far cry from when our parents got married, huh?... Probably the first time they had sеx was on their honeymoon. Boy, times have changed. Not only have I had sеx with my boyfriend, so have some of my girlfriends.

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The following conversation took place whilst having sеx.
Guy: I think I hear someone coming?
Girl: ОМG!! Who is it?
Guy: Meee, Ahhh! *Empties Sack*

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They've been together for (your age) years. (Who?) Deez nuts!

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A hypnotist was brutally attacked on stage yesterday after he instructed a member of the audience to pretend to be a lion.

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You know she likes аnаl if when she farts it sounds
Like wind

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The door went and the wife ran upstairs, i panicked,
"Where is she?" she raged as she got closer, i just had time to act normal as she barged through the door,
"I know you've had someone else in here and when i find her" she ravaged as she looked everywhere .
Eventually she tried the garden, thats when i pulled the sheets back and winked "shh she'll never find out" to my hand hiding there.

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Why is Santa Claus a heavy drinker?
Because he only empties his sack once a year.

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As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me….
“I really need a new fuскin boat” I thought to myself.

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What every man
Wants is a lady
By day
And a sеxuаl goddess
By night

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Two drunks realize that they are sobering up and only have $1.25 between them. So, they buy a hot dog from a hot dog stand and go into the next bar.
They do shot after shot until the bartender demands that they pay up. The drunк with the hot dog opens his zipper and puts it through the opening. The other drunк gets down and starts suскing on it. The bartender throws them out.
The drunks go to several bars with this routine until they are beyond drunк.
"Man," one of the drunks says,
"That hot dog trick worked great."
"Actually," the second drunк says,
"I ate the hot dog at the second bar."

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I like my sеx just like my wifi. Slow and unprotected.

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We practice safe sеx. We practice really safe sеx. The other night during sеx, we had a fire drill.

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If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.

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Why is Friday the most feminine day of the week?
Because it takes forever to come.

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What can't control their whоrе-moans
Sluts

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