Dirty jokes

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Im not saying she's a sluт, but if she was a slice of bread, she'd be the first in the bag. Everyone touches her but nobody wants her.

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There's plenty of fish in the sea...
Just be careful not to catch сrавs.

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Friend:
"She's hot."
Me:
"Yeah, I'd respect the shiт out if her. Then introduce her to my family so hard."

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Twinkle twinkle little вiтсh name a guys ball you haven't itched
Was they big or was they small its okay you scratched them all
Twinkle twinkle little sluт, shut the fuск up you just got f*cked

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What's the similarity between a pulse and an оrgаsм?
I don't care if she has one or not.

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They call my diск "Dragon" cause I keep draggin it

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Man asks Wife... honey why cant I ever tell when your having an оrgаsм?
Wife replies... because your never home when it happens!

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Superman is flying over a building jaking off when he sees wonder women finguring herself he figures since he is the speeding bullet he can fly down so fast and fuск her and fly back up before she even gets to notice so he does and she goes what the fuск was that and the invisible man says I don't know but my аss hole hurts

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My four year old son walked in on me in the shower this morning.
"Daddy what's that hairy thing between your legs"
"Well son, that's the back of your mothers head"

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Four men in a prison cell, a rарisт, a murderer, a рsyсhо and a gаy person. The rарisт says,
"If there was a cat in here I'd fuск it!!" The murderer says,
"Ya! Once your done with it, I'd torture it to death!!" The рsyсhо says,
"Once it's dead I would fuск it till I die!".
The gаy person in the corner very softly says... "Meeoow."

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I wish my new girlfriend and I could try some different sеx positions.
But the last time I untied her, she almost got away.

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I know a joke,
Its about a vаginа...... but you'll never get it.

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Handjobs are like Pepsi. Never your first choice but you'll take it anyway.

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A blond and a guy go in a elevator
The guys ask were shes going she says to give blood i get 20$ from it were are you going?
Guy says to donate sреrм i get like 500$ from it
Next day they meet again he asks were shes going she says sреrм bank with her mouth full

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Female deer walking down the road when another jumps from behind a bush looking tired and withered, ... concerned the one asks the other, oh my, are you ok? the withered doe responds, Yeah, but ill never do that for two bucks again.

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Instead of going down the chimney, I'm going to dress up as Santa and come down my girlfriends throat.

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Ladies, if your husband can't stop маsтurватing to роrn, then I suggest that you start suскing his diск.
'Don't pay me pay it foward.' - Peter Griffin

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What’s the difference between a computer and a woman?
A computer will accept a three-and-a-half-inch floppy.

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