Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

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80-летний старик приходит к доктору: - я на следующей неделе опять... 70-годишен милионер при доктора: Докторот: Ein 82-Jähriger kommt zum Doktor. Ein achtzigjähriger Mann erzählt seinem Arzt Arzt: "Gute Frau
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A medical student is driving home on a narrow country road in the middle of the night after his shift in the hospital.
The weather is terrible.
It's raining cats and dogs.
Suddenly a motorbike is screaming by with very high speed.
"Jesus Crhist! What an idiот! He will crash if he doesn't slow down!"
A few minutes later he spotted in his headlights on the side of the road the torn up motorbike against a big tree.
He stopped and quickly jumped out of his car to see in he can give first aid.
But it's to late.
The biker is already dead.
He looked around if there is anyone around. Nobody to see.
The student thouhgt "This is the oppertunity to finally obtain a real human eye!"
He always carryrna spoon and a glass eye in his pocket for an opperunity like this.
He quickly removes the left eye and places the glass eye in the socket.
One quick look around and he jumps in his car and races off.
The next morning when he wakes up he turned on the tv and watches the news.
It said:
"Biker found dead on country road with 2 glass eyes."
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Баща към дъщеря си: Една баба влиза в аптеката. В аптеку заходит пожилая женщина: An old lady goes to her doctor and asks for contraceptive tablets Un doctor que había estado viendo a una viejecita de 75 años durante muchos años Una señora compra todos los días una caja de píldoras anticonceptivas. El farmacéutico Una abuela entró al consultorio del médico. El doctor le preguntó por qué estaba allí Една баба влегува во аптека и ѝ вели на аптекарката: - Ќерко - Jag förstår inte frun
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El medico y sus teorias Το αριστερό πόδι Една баба отишла на доктор. Ein Mann kommt zum Arzt und hat fürchterliche Schmerzen in seinem linken Bein. Der Arzt untersucht ihn und stellt fest: "Tja En una consulta médica un hombre de avanzada edad escucha a su medico que le dice su diagnostico: El dolor de su pierna derecha se produce por su avanzada edad. El paciente muy convencido le dice: No En el médico: - Doctor Komt een dom blondje de dokterspraktijk binnenlopen en zegt tegen de dokter “Ik heb de laatste tijd toch zo'n last van mijn linkerbeen Va un anciano de 80 años al médico y le dice: - Doctor An old man goes to his doctor Un batran se duce la doctor Si ii spune ca il doare piciorul drept. - Nimic grav „Pane Novák An Old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg. “I am afraid it’s just old age” O velhinho vai ao médico e reclama de dor na perna direita. O médico o examina Doktor: - "Bacağınızdaki ağrı sadece ihtiyarlıktan." Hasta: - "Öbür bacağım da aynı yaşta ama turp gibi." Er komt een vrouw bij de dokter. Ze zegt: 'Dokter
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A family doctor is seeing an 80 year old patient for the first time. She tells him, “Since this is your first time here, I’d like to get a little history on you. Who’s been your regular doctor up till now?”
The man says, “I don’t remember saying I’ve ever been to the doctor.”
The doctor is astonished. “What? You’ve never been to a doctor?”
The man says, “Nope. Never needed one before.”
“That’s remarkable,” she says. “But there must be a family doctor somewhere. What about your father when he was alive. Who was the family doctor?”
“I don’t remember saying my father had passed away.”
“Oh, I’m sorry! You’re father’s still alive? He must be at least a hundred.”
“Yep. ‘Bout that. And he’s never been to the doctor either.”
She says, “Well that’s one impressive bloodline you have there. What an amazing family. But there’s got to be a doctor in the history somewhere. What about your grandfather when he was alive? Who was the family doctor?”
“I don’t remember saying my grandfather had passed away.”
“Oh come on now, you must be kidding! Your grandfather is still alive? He’d have to be at least 120!”
“Yep, ‘Bout that. And he’s never been to the doctor either. But I think he’s gonna have to go soon. He’s getting married next week.”
“What?" she says. "Oh now surely you’re joking. Getting married? Imagine being 120 years old and wanting to get married!”
The old man looks at her and says, “I don’t remember saying he WANTED to get married."
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A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations.
The operation is performed, but a month later, she's still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative.
But, there's still no result, and another month later she's back in the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one.
After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in conceiving a baby.
Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular examination during pregnancy and says,
"We're so happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad, but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy for weeks after."
"Well," the doctor replies,
"Since the first two standard operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to your uтеrus."
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