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Jokes about Dogs

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When ur human says
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When your human says eating too many treats is unhealthy, but you just watched her eat a half of a family size pack of Oreos.
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What are they? They were once wolves.
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Толкова се гордея победа на жена ми на кучешкият конкурс. И синьото толкова много и ходи...
So Proud Of My Wife Winning At The Dog Show. She’s The One In The Blue
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Добро куче
Good boy
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Туко що си взех новата германска овчарка. Малко е грозна
Just got my new German Shepherd.  He’s ugly as hеll but he laughs at all my jokes, so....
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Толкова е горещо
It's so hot, the dog melted!!!
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ПРОДАВАМ ПОНИ. Понякога лае VENDO PONY. A volte abbaia ma è solo perché sa più lingue
I AM SELLING A PONY. Sometimes he barks but it's only because he knows more languages.
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„Нека кучето спи в леглото с теб“
Let the dog sleep in bed with you they said. It'll be fun they said.
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Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she ran away from home, her parents called the dog catcher.
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Yo' Mama is so ugly, her dog closes its eyes when it humps her leg.
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Yo' Mama is so uptight, when she farts, only dogs can hear it.
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Yo' Mama is so ugly, her parents had to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed."
The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips."
The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.
"Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."
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A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog. He stands in the center of the bar, takes the dog by the chain, and starts swinging him above his head.
Everyone stops and stares. Upset about the way the animal is being treated, a patron runs up to the blind man and demands, "What the hеll are you doing?"
The blind man turns toward the patron and says, "Oh, nothing, just looking around."
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A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?"
The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."
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A farmer is in the middle of plowing his field when his tractor runs out of gas. He needs to get back to the farm, but it's too far for him and his dog, Old Joe, to walk.
He wanders out to the road and flags down a sports car. The driver says, "I'll give you a ride, but that dog can't get in my car."
The farmer says, "Don't worry. Old Joe will keep up."
The driver decides to show off and open up the engine for max speed. Just as he's going into fifth gear, he looks out the window and sees Old Joe right beside him. In amazement, he slams on the brakes and Old Joe comes to a halt.
The driver jumps out, exclaiming, "He's the most incredible dog I've ever seen! Is there something special about that collar he's wearing?"
The farmer shakes his head and says, "That's not a collar. That's his a**hole. He's not used to stopping that fast."
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Препознавање Schäferhunde und Gynäkologen По какво се различава късоръкият гинеколог от дългоръкия? - По какво си приличат здравото куче и късогледият гинеколог? - Что общего у здорового пса и близорукого гинеколога? У близорукого гинеколога всегда мокрый нос. Quel est le point commun entre un chiot et un gynécologue myope ? Mitä yhtäläistä on koiranpennulla ja likinäköisellä gynekologilla? Märkä nenä.. Woran erkennt man einen kurzsichtigen Gynäkologen? An der feuchten Nase. Hva er likheten på en gynekolog og en hund? - Begge er våte på nesen...
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?
A: Wet noses.
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