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Jokes about Dogs

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Когато излъгахте в автобиографията си Quand tu as menti sur ton CV en mettant que tu avais de l'expérience en tant que chien de berger
When you lied on your resume about having experience as a sheepdog
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Обяснете ми какво се случва тук? Кой е купил мобилен телефон на тази котка?!!
Explain to me what is happening here?  Who bought this cat a cellphone?!!
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Не знам дали да му се развикам или да го поздравя за умения му.
I don't know if I should yell at him or congratulate him for such skills
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Когато се преродя Кога ќе се преродам Cuando me reencarne Когда я перерожусь Wenn ich wiedergeboren werde Quand je me réincarnerai Όταν μετενσαρκωθώ Quando mi reincarnerò Ben yeniden doğduğumda Коли я перевтілюся Quando eu reencarnar Kiedy się odrodzę När jag återföds Wanneer ik reïncarneer Når jeg bliver genfødt Når jeg blir gjenfødt Kun synnyn uudestaan Amikor újraszületek Când mă voi reîncarna Až se znovu narodím Kai aš persikūnysiu Kad es pārdzimšu Kad se ponovno rodim
When I get reincarnated, you won’t know it’s me… but there will be signs.
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Някой знае ли каква порода е кучето? Некој знае ли каква раса е кучето? ¿Alguien sabe de qué raza es el реrrо? Кто-нибудь знает Weiß jemand Quelqu’un sait de quelle race est le chien ? Ξέρει κανείς τι ράτσα είναι ο σκύλος; Sapete dirmi di che razza è il cane? Bilen var mı Хтось знає Alguém sabe de que raça é o cão? Ktoś wie Är det någon som vet vilken ras hunden är? Weet iemand welk ras de hond is?
Does anyone know what breed the dog is?
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Давам кученце за осиновяване. То е супер тихо Do un cucciolo in adozione
I'm giving a puppy up for adoption. He's super quiet, well-behaved, and a sleepyhead.
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Schrödingers koiraparadoksi. Laatikko ON ja EI OLE samaan aikaan Šrėdingerio šuns paradoksas. Dėžė YRA ir NĖRA tuo pačiu metu Paradox psa Schrödingera. Krabice TAM JE a NENÍ TAM zároveň Paradoxul câinelui lui Schrödinger. Cutia ESTE și NU ESTE în același timp Schrödinger kutyaparadoxona. A doboz VAN és NINCS egyszerre Schrödingers hundeparadoks. Boksen ER DER og ER DER IKKE samtidig Schrödingers hondenparadox. De dооs IS ER en IS ER NIET tegelijk Schrödingers hundparadox. Lådan ÄR DÄR och INTE DÄR samtidigt Paradoks psa Schrödingera. Pudełko JEST i NIE MA GO jednocześnie O paradoxo do cão de Schrödinger. A caixa ESTÁ e NÃO ESTÁ ao mesmo tempo Парадокс Собаки Шредінгера. Коробка Є і НЕМАЄ одночасно Schrödinger’in Köpek Paradoksu. Kutu HEM VAR HEM YOK aynı anda Il paradosso del cane di Schrödinger. La scatola C’È e NON C’È allo stesso tempo Το παράδοξο του σκύλου του Σρέντινγκερ. Το κουτί ΕΙΝΑΙ ΕΚΕΙ και ΔΕΝ ΕΙΝΑΙ ΕΚΕΙ ταυτόχρονα Le paradoxe du chien de Schrödinger. La boîte EST LÀ et N’EST PAS LÀ en même temps Schrödingers Hundeparadoxon. Die Box IST DA und NIСНТ DA zugleich Парадокс собаки Шрёдингера. Коробка ЕСТЬ и ЕЁ НЕТ одновременно La paradoja del реrrо de Schrödinger. La caja ESTÁ y NO ESTÁ al mismo tiempo Парадоксот на кучето на Шрёдингер. Кутијата Е ТАМ и НЕ Е ТАМ истовремено Парадоксът на кучето на Шрьодингер. Кутията Е ТАМ и НЕ Е ТАМ едновременно Šrēdingera suņa paradokss. Kaste IR un NAV vienlaikus Schrödingerov paradoks psa. Kutija JE i NIJE u isto vrijeme Schrödingers hundeparadoks. Kassen ER DER og ER DER IKKE på samme tid
Schrödinger’s Dog Paradox. The box IS THERE and NOT THERE at the same time
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Kun haet työtä Når du søker på en jobb du ikke er kvalifisert for Wanneer je solliciteert voor een baan waarvoor je niet gekwalificeerd веnт maar die je toch krijgt När du söker ett jobb du inte är kvalificerad för men ändå får det Kiedy aplikujesz o pracę Quando te candidatas a um emprego para o qual não estás qualificado Коли влаштовуєшся на роботу Nitelikli olmadığın bir işe başvurup yine de o işi aldığında Quando ti candidi per un lavoro per cui non sei qualificato ma lo ottieni comunque Όταν κάνεις αίτηση για δουλειά για την οποία δεν έχεις τα προσόντα αλλά την παίρνεις έτσι κι αλλιώς Quand tu postules à un emploi pour lequel tu n’es pas qualifié Wenn du dich für einen Job bewirbst Когда устраиваешься на работу Cuando solicitas un trabajo para el que no estás calificado Кога аплицираш за работа за која не си квалификуван Когато кандидатстваш за работа Kad se prijaviš za posao za koji nisi kvalificiran Kai kreipiesi dėl darbo Když se ucházíš o práci Când aplici pentru un job pentru care nu ești calificat Amikor olyan állásra jelentkezel Når du søger et job Kad piesakies darbam
When you apply for a job you're not qualified for but get the job anyway
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Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she ran away from home, her parents called the dog catcher.
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Yo' Mama is so ugly, her dog closes its eyes when it humps her leg.
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Yo' Mama is so uptight, when she farts, only dogs can hear it.
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Yo' Mama is so ugly, she got hauled into the dog pound for walking down the street without a license.
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed."
The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips."
The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.
"Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."
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A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog. He stands in the center of the bar, takes the dog by the chain, and starts swinging him above his head.
Everyone stops and stares. Upset about the way the animal is being treated, a patron runs up to the blind man and demands, "What the hеll are you doing?"
The blind man turns toward the patron and says, "Oh, nothing, just looking around."
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A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?"
The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."
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A farmer is in the middle of plowing his field when his tractor runs out of gas. He needs to get back to the farm, but it's too far for him and his dog, Old Joe, to walk.
He wanders out to the road and flags down a sports car. The driver says, "I'll give you a ride, but that dog can't get in my car."
The farmer says, "Don't worry. Old Joe will keep up."
The driver decides to show off and open up the engine for max speed. Just as he's going into fifth gear, he looks out the window and sees Old Joe right beside him. In amazement, he slams on the brakes and Old Joe comes to a halt.
The driver jumps out, exclaiming, "He's the most incredible dog I've ever seen! Is there something special about that collar he's wearing?"
The farmer shakes his head and says, "That's not a collar. That's his a**hole. He's not used to stopping that fast."
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Препознавање Schäferhunde und Gynäkologen По какво се различава късоръкият гинеколог от дългоръкия? - По какво си приличат здравото куче и късогледият гинеколог? - Что общего у здорового пса и близорукого гинеколога? У близорукого гинеколога всегда мокрый нос. Quel est le point commun entre un chiot et un gynécologue myope ? Mitä yhtäläistä on koiranpennulla ja likinäköisellä gynekologilla? Märkä nenä.. Woran erkennt man einen kurzsichtigen Gynäkologen? An der feuchten Nase. Hva er likheten på en gynekolog og en hund? - Begge er våte på nesen...
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?
A: Wet noses.
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Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, ''come Spot, come Spot!''
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