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Fart Jokes

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Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
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Chuck norris farted in a ditch and the grand canyon was created.
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Why do women fаrт after they take a рiss?
Because they can't shake it, so they вlоw dry it.
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A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time I fаrт, it sounds like, "Honda."
The doctor says, "You say, 'Honda?'"
"No," the guy says. "My farts do."
So, the doctor says, "OK, open your mouth," and looks inside.
After about two minutes, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, I can't help you, you need to go see a dentist."
The guy says, "Why a dentist?"
The doctor says, "Because you have an absessed tooth."
The guy says, "What the hеll does that have to do with my condition?"
The doctor says, "Well, didn't you know? Absess makes the farts go Honda!"
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Never hold in a fаrт; that's something an аsshоlе would do.
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Depending on the circumstances, Chuck Norris will decide whether or not his farts will stink.
If he chooses to have them stink, he will then also determine the appropriate percentage level of rankness delivered based on the demographics of the attending audience.
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Q: What do you call someone who doesn't fаrт in public?
A: A private tooter.
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Confucius say, man who fаrт in church sit in own pew.
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Какво е общо между жените и топките за боулинг?
What do women and bowling ваlls have in common?
Three holes
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Why do women always fаrт only when they go to the bathroom?
They have to вlоw dry—and there's nothing to shake.
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Why fаrт and waste when you can burp and taste?
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The teacher asked her class to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. “The sky is definitely blue."
"Very good Kevin,but the sky can also be blue or black.” the teacher replied. Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him. And picked Annie from the back of the room. “The grass is definitely green."
"Very good Annie, but it can also be brown.” Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally she called on him. “Mines more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?"
"Why no Johnny why would you ask such a question?” She questioned. “Well if they don’t have lumps in them, then I definitely just shiт myself.”
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Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”
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Gary and Steve are having sеx and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, “Hey, Don’t finish yourself until I get back.” After returning from the other room, there is сuм all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. “Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!” Gary turns to him and says, “I didn’t, I farted.”
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Yo mamas so fат when she farted she caused global warming!
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Why didn’t anyone react when the king farted? – It was a noble gas.
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I Got A New Deodorant Stick Today. It Says Take Top Off And Push Up Bottom. I Can Hardly Walk, But When I Fаrт The Room Smells Lovely
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An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fаrт followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, “Hon, you were right that I would fаrт my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in”.
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