Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

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Mom: “why did you get in so much trouble at school today?”
Kid: “it was show and tell day and I couldn’t find any of my toys to show the class so I borrowed yours”

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- I have the perfect son.
- Does he smoke?
- No, he doesn’t.
- Does he drink whiskey?
- No, he doesn’t.
- Does he ever come home late?
- No, he doesn’t.
- I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
- He will be six months old next Wednesday.

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Doc: Do you have kids?
Me: Yes, i have 3 kids
Doc: Do you drink?
Me: Yes, i have 3 kids

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- Can we go to McDonald's granddad? - We can, if you can spell it. - Fuck it, we will go to KFC instead

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Sluт jokes are just whoreable.

Q: What’s the difference between a whоrе and a вiтсh?
A: Whоrе’s fсuк everyone at the party, Вiтсhеs fсuк everyone at the party except you.

Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Stick a rusty fсuкing chainsaw up her c*nt.

Q: What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A: Brothel sprouts.

Q: What do you get when you cross a whоrе with a systems engineer?
A: A fcukin know-it-all!

Q: Who makes more money a drug dealer or a whоrе?
A: A hоокеr because she can wash her сrаск and reuse it.

Q: What do you call a Serbian whоrе?
A: Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch

Q: What does bungee jumping and whоrеs have in common?
A: They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re sсrеwеd.

Q: Did you hear about the Chinese whоrе that had a black baby?
A: She named him Sum Ting Wong!

Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch роrnо movies backward?
A: They like the part where the whоrе gives the money back.

Q: What do you call a whоrе with no legs?
A: A nightcrawler!

Q: What’s the difference between your job and a Dead Whоrе?
A: Your job still suскs!

Q: What’s the difference between a whоrе and a hockey player?
A: A hockey player takes a shower after 3 periods

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Why did Ms Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.

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Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.

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A mother said to her son, "Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving."
The son replied,
"Maybe he has good parents then!"

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A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a соndом company and these are some of the customer complaints.”

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One time this kid came back from school and said “Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?” And his mom said "Good news please.’’ and the boy said “I got 100% on my math test today” and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said “Now to the bad news, I LIED”

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I hate lying to my parents, but it is for their own good

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A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "Are all of those kids yours?" He replies,
"No. I work for a соndом company. These are customer complaints."

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There's always that one kid in PE who thinks it's the f*cking Olympics.

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Can't believe I just ran over a cat. Haha, April Fool's everyone!
It was a kid.

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Daughter:
"Dad, a kid at school called me a lеsвiаn."
Dad:
"Smack her in the mouth and kick her in the vаginа."
Daughter:
"But dad she is cute."
Dad: ...

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Bully: Hey nerd, why are you so small?
Short kid: Because I'm impersonating your diск.

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*Kid shows middle finger to other kid* Kid:
"Wow you finally took that finger out of your аss?"

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KICKASS this if you get like this,
Kid#1- What did you do during the weekend
Kid#2- Your mom
(I say SHUT THE FUСК UP)

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