Lawyer Jokes

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A рrоsтiтuте decided to go to law school for a career change,
Law school admissions to рrоsтiтuте:
"What makes you think you'd make a good lawyer?"
Prostitute:
"I always try to get my clients off, as do lawyers do."

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What do call a bad lawyer?
Congressman

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So I was going to blame my pet ostrich for a сriме i committed
But my lawyer advised that it wouldn't fly in court.

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I never know what to say to something after they've lost their baby.
"Oh I'm sorry for your loss," doesn't cut it.
That's why I keep my mouth shut and let my lawyer do the talking.
*
*Source: Anthony Jeselnik*

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What do call a woman who seduces a lawyer?
A snake charmer.

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Mathematician, Physicist and a Lawyer are asked what 1+1 is eaqual to.
Mathematician: Well it depends in which numeral system it is.
Physicist: Depends if it is scalar or a vector.
Lawyer: Well and what do you want it to be?

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A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his Company for embezzlement of many millions.
At the beginning of the process, the lawyer kindly reassured him:
„Don’t Worry, you’ll never go to jail with that amount of money.“
And the lawyer was right. When the man did go to jail eventually, he Didn’t have a penny anymore.

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What should a proper lawyer wear to a court?
A good law suit.

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