Lawyer Jokes

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A 94 year old man decided to divorce his 93 old wife...
They went to the lawyer together. When he asked why they were divorcing at such an old age, the woman replied, "We wanted to wait until the kids were dead".

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What starts with M, ends with E and can bring two people eternal happiness?
Me, I'm a divorce lawyer

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Do you think they can bury two people in the same grave?...
I've just been wondering ever since I saw a headstone that said,
"Here lies a lawyer and an honest man".

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The attorney filed a motion for a new trial. The judge barked angrily "On what grounds!?"
"Your honor," the lawyer explained, "my client has discovered some money that I didn't know he had."

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Why didn't the lawyer steal his coffee?
He wanted legal grounds.

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I really want to be a lawyer but it’s tough
Because they really set the bar high

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A man goes to see a lawyer...
And asks "Hire much do you charge?"
The lawyer replies "$250 for three questions."
The man says,
"Gosh! Isn't that expensive?"
The lawyer replies "Yes it is. Now, what's your third question?"

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What do you call an Aussie who lies for a living?
A lawyer.

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An economist, an accountant and a lawyer decided to gamble....
And that's how stock markets came into existence!!!

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What do you call a lawyer who is also a disc jockey?
Dj jd

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Why did they bury the lawyer 10 feet under?
Because deep down, they really are good people.
Stolen from a movie I cant remember which.

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What happens to a lawyer when they gain weight?
They lose their appeal.

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A lawyer is arguing over the right to store hogs on planes.
He says, “I’m not done till pigs fly!”

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A lawyer gets on a bus, sits down, places his bag on the next sit and says:
I rest my case.

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Where does a lawyer go to buy a bed?
A MatressFirm

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What Did The Immigration Lawyer Say To His Client?
We’ll win your case or your luggage is free!

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Aviation Lawyer joke.
I need some good aviation lawyer joke/pun. Hit me with your best shot.
Let me open with this.
The airline lost my luggage, I want to sue them but the lawyer don't think I have a case.

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A рrоsтiтuте decided to go to law school for a career change,
Law school admissions to рrоsтiтuте:
"What makes you think you'd make a good lawyer?"
Prostitute:
"I always try to get my clients off, as do lawyers do."

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