Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

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Шишенце Sperm Counting Chiste de la muestra de esperma Το καπάκι Το κουτάκι ΔΙΑΦΟΡΑ ΣΟΚΙΝ Налагало се да направят изследвания на спермата на един 75 годишен човек. Το βαζάκι. 75-годишен старец отива при лекар с молба да изследват спермата му. Мужик на общем медицинском обследовании. Врач говорит ему: Мужик приходит в больницу на обследование. Мъж отива на общ медицински преглед. Докторът му казва: Alphonse Um velhinho precisou fazer um exame de contagem de esperma. O médico deu a ele um potinho e disse: En 85-årig man från Piteå gick till doktorn och ville få gjort ett spermatest. Doktorn Een 85 jarige man ging naar de dokter voor een sperma-onderzoek. De dokter gaf de man een fles en vroeg hem tegen morgen wat sperma mee te brengen. De volgende dag kwam de oude man terug bij de... Após vários anos sem conseguir ter filhos Bir gün ihtiyar bir adam 75-latek przyszedł do lekarza na badanie nasienia. Lekarz dał mu słoiczek i powiedział: - Proszę wziąć ten słoiczek do domu i przynieść na jutro dawkę spermy. Następnego dnia dziadek przychodzi i... Πάει ένας πενηντάχρονος στον γιατρό για εξέταση σπέρματος. Του δίνει ο γιατρός ένα μπουκαλάκι και του λέει να το φέρει γεμάτο. Έρχεται την επόμενη στο γιατρό απογοητευμένος με το μπουκάλι άδειο. -... El doctor le pide una muestra de esperma a un hombre de 85 años como parte de su chequeo anual. El doctor le da un frasco y le dice: "Lleve este frasco a casa y tráigalo de regreso mañana con la... Un vieil homme de 70 ans est allé à un test de sperme. Le docteur lui a donné une bouteille pour collecter le sperme. Le lendemain 85-erių metų senuko daktaras paprašė tyrimams atnešti spermos. Padavė stiklinį indelį ir pasakė: - Jūs ramiai parsineškit namo ir atneškite rytoj analizams savo spermos. Kitą dieną senukas... The 85 year old man goes to the doctor's do get a check up An old man was given a jar and asked to provide a sperm sample for his doctor. The next day he returned with the empty jar and explained An 80 year old man is given a jar to provide a sperm sample for the doctor Ένας πενηντάχρονος Komt een man van 80 jaar met zijn aanstaande vrouw Van 20 jaar bij de dokter. Zij willen graag nog een kind Un batran de 75 de ani merge La spital sa faca o analiza a spermei. Doctorul ii Da un borcanel si-i spune: - Ia borcanul asta Si vino cu analiza maine! A doua zi Bjarne skulle ta en sædprøve og fikk med seg et prøveglass hjem fra legen. En uke senere kom han tilbake med tomt glass
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sреrм count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a sемеn sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
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Пиян мъж отива в РПУ-то: В съдебната зала тече дело срещу крадец. Жертвата задава въпрос: Un uomo vittima di una rapina in casa viene contattato dal commissario che gli racconta anche della cattura del ladro. L'uomo chiede quindi al commissario di poter parlare con il ladro. Il commissario tutto preoccupato gli chiede: "Ma cosa diavolo gli vuole chiedere?" "Commissario quell'uomo è... De inbreker die gisteren heeft ingebroken bij mij På politistationen. - Jeg vil gerne tale med den indbrudstyv
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Камионџијата и продавачката Един шофьор на камион kadın çalan kapıyı açmış Uma mulher escuta a campainha da sua casa tocar En kvinne er hjemme når hun hører noen banke på døra hennes. Hun går til døra Une dame est en train de préparer le repas pour midi. Un gars sonne à la porte Eines mittags Klingelt es an der Tür Frau Meier öffnet. Vor der Tür steht ein Mann und fragt "Haben Sie ein Geschlechtsorgan?" Entsetzt schlägt Frau Meier ihm die Tür vor der Nase zu Abends erzählt...
A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there.
He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vаginа?"
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vаginа?"
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days.
The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again."
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door.
The husband whisperes to the wife, "Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the
question because I want to a see where he's going with this."
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vаginа?"
"Yes I do." says the lady.
The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"
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Расправа Chiste de cuando yo me muera Preguntas de matrimonio en cama Linkshänderin Τι θάκανες αν πέθαινα? Μετά από είκοσι χρόνια γάμου! Αν πεθάνω To αντρόγυνο Съпругата: - Какво ще правиш Муж с женой обедают и происходит у них вот такой разговор. LEI: "Se morissi all'improvviso Lockeres Gespräch beim Abendessen. Sie: Wenn ich sterben sollte Uma mulher está em seu leito de morte Un cancérologue et sa jeune femme étaient en train de discuter un soir pendant le dîner à propos de la mort d'un jeune patient. La femme en vient à demander à son mari si lui se remarierait dans le... Dans un cottage anglais Ein Ehepaar spielt Golf. Zwischen Loch 5 und Loch 6 fragt sie: "Wenn ich sterbe La señora con el esposo: ¿Qué harías si me muriese? Te guardaría luto. ¿Durante mucho tiempo? ¡Muchísimo! ¿Por qué? Porque te quiero Żona pyta męża: - Co byś zrobił Amada esposa. Un matrimonio está en la cama y de repente la mujer le pregunta al marido: Cariño If I die... If I were to die first A feleség haldoklik. - Mondd drágám Frun frågar sin man: - Skulle du gifta om dig när jag dör? - Ja Dialogs starp vīru un sievu: Viņa: Ja es nomirtu
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Вече трети месец не говоря с жена си. Между приятели: "Sai che ormai sono due anni che non parlo con mia moglie?!" Confida un uomo ad un amico. "Come? Non sapevo aveste litigato!" gli risponde l'altro. "No Bei einem Scheidungsprozess fragt der Anwalt den Gatten ungläubig: "Sie haben zehn Jahre nicht mit Ihrer Frau gesprochen. Warum?" Gatte: "Ich wollte sie nicht unterbrechen..." Domaren till mannen i ett skilsmässomål: - Varför har ni inte talat till er fru på sex månader? - Jag har inte velat avbryta henne. — Não falo com a minha esposa há mais de um ano — diz o homem. — Por que? — pergunta um amigo. — Porque não gosto de interrompê-la...
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A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"
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Лас Вегас Las Vegas Вечер. Un type lit dans un journal que les femmes en Laponie donnent 100 euros aux hommes chaque fois qu’ils leur font l’amour… Вечер. Мъжът се прибира от работа Die Ehefrau sieht ihren Mann die Koffer packen und fragt ihn Вечер. Муж прибегает с работы и A man was telling his wife that he wanted to go to this country in which women paid men twenty dollars every time they had sex. She replied Robert came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just where the heck do you think you're going!' Мъж се кара със жена си затова Een koppel woont in Seattle Вечер Еден човек се враќа дома од работа и без да каже збор En rentrant du travail Llega la mujer a la casa y el marido está preparando una maleta. La mujer le pregunta. ¿ Qué estás haciendo? Estoy preparando una maleta. ¿ Y para qué? Para irme a Australia. ¿ Y para qué? Dicen... Un homme prépare sa valise avec entrain. Sa femme rentre du boulot et le surprend. Surprise Γυρίζοντας κατάκοπος ο σύζυγος στο σπίτι του
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- Honey Every Wednesday night at St. Rocco’s Catholic Church is a marriage seminar for husbands.One night Father Gill asked Fabio to share his secrets for staying happily married for almost 50 years.
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Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance. Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her вrеаsтs at maturity of a 12 years old.
He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much.
“I too have a problem. My реnis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.”
She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant реnis.”
Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding one
another.
As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!
Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.
She said, “You told me your реnis was the size of an infant!”
“Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!”
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Две млади жени излезли от бара в четири през нощта Två väninnor var ute på en "tjejkväll" Det var två fruar som hade varit ute och roat sig. På vägen hem kom det oundvikliga när man dricker mycket Two women on their way back from a night out stop in a graveyard for a piss. One wipes her fanny with her knickers
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