There's a man speeding on the road and a police officer is chasing him for miles. The man finally stops and the officer tells him, "When you see those lights and hear those sirens, you are supposed to stop!" The man says,
"Well, I had a good excuse to keep driving." The officer says,
"I've heard every excuse in the book, but if it's one I haven't heard, I'll let you go." The man says,
"Well a few days ago, my wife ran off with one of your officers, and I was afraid you were trying to bring her back." So the officer let him go.
There is this man who spent the entire day watching the fishing channel. Once he is done, he goes to the kitchen where his wife is and says "Listen honey, I have just declared it. We are going on a fishing trip, you, me and the dog." The wife then replies "No way, I don't wanna go fishing." The man then replies "Well then I'm going to give you 3 options. 1. You can give me a вlоwjов 2. I can fuск you up the аss or 3. You can just suск it up and go fishing w/me and the dog. Now I'm going to the garage and get everything I need ready. I'll be back in an hour and you better have your answer.
So he goes to the garage, prepares everything and comes back in an hour as promised. "Well, so what do you want to do?" the man asks. "I'll give you a вlоw job." the wife replies. So she starts suскing his diск and after 10 seconds, she starts complaining "Oh my God, this is disgusting, your diск tastes like absolute shiт." The man then replies "Yeah, the dog didn't wanna go either."
Two gаy guys are sitting at a little pub looking out the window in a small town. This guy walks by, and the one guy says to the other, "Who is that?" The other man says,
"That's the new proctologist." He replies,
"Well, I've got to meet him." The next day, he makes an appointment and goes in to see him. The doctor asks him, "What's the problem?" and he replies,
"I have a terrible pain in my вuтт." The doctor says,
"Well, let's take a look at it." So he bends over, and the doctor gets down to look in his аss, and he says,
"Oh My God! There's a stick up your аss." The gаy man then says,
"Well, pull it out, pull it out! So he start to pull it out, and notices that it has thorns on it. "Oh my God! There are thorns on it? Well, pull it out, pull it out!" As he pulls it out, he see it's a rose. "Oh my God! It's a rose!" As the gаy man exclaims, "Well, read the card, read the card!"