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Вицове за Мъже English Männer-Witze, Männerwitze Chistes de hombres Про мужчин Blague sur les hommes Barzellette Uomini ανέκδοτα για άντρες Мажи.. Erkek Fıkraları Анекдоти чоловіки Piadas sobre Homens Dowcipy i kawały: Mężczyźni Skämt om män Mannen Moppen, Moppen over man... Jokes om mænd Vitser for menn Vitsit miehistä, Miesvitsit Férfi viccek Bancuri Barbati Anekdoty a vtipy o mužích a ma... Juokai apie vyrus Joki par vīriešiem Vicevi o muškarcima
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Men jokes

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I could not find a frozen chicken big enough for my family dinner. I asked the young man behind the butcher counter if these chickens got any larger?
He replied, "I'm afraid not, they are all dead."
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I don't want to be younger, I really don't. Every time I look back a couple years, I think, 'God, what a jеrк I was.' But with that knowledge comes the realization that I'm a jеrк right now. I think that's why old people get real quiet. They're like, 'Man, I'm an idiот. I'm going to just stand right here.'
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Dear men, if you stopped seeing your wife as a woman, it doesn't mean that all men are blind.
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Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men? No phone numbers.
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Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
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One day a man was driving down the road in his truck. His wife was sitting next to him and he had his arm around her shoulders. A police officer pulled him over because the man did not have both hands on the steering wheel. He received a ticket for unsafe driving but the man felt it was unjust. Hence, he appeared in court to try and fight the ticket. When the Judge asked him why he was not using both hands, the man replied, "Well, your Honor, I needed one hand to drive with." After the Judge composed himself, he dismissed the ticket.
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If men think with their diскs then I want someone to вlоw my mind.
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I was in a club last night and I got approached by a rather fат butch looking woman.
She had one of those fancy designer handbags with the words ‘ GUESS ‘ on the side.
“About 90 Kgs”, I said, “And you’re a man?”
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A recent study says that weight loss dramatically boosts men’s sеxuаl health.
So start hitting the gym, ladies.
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A blonde orders a вееr.
The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar.
It hits the blonde woman’s воовs and splashes all over them…
The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the вееr off her воовs.
Each time the blonde calls for another вееr this happens.
So after the third вееr, a guy decides to help the bartender out.
The next time the bartender hit her воовs, the man
Jumps up and starts to liск her вrеаsтs and she decks him!
He is lying on the floor moaning, “Jeez lady… Why do you let the bartender do it?”
“Helloooo!”, says the blonde, “He has a licker license!”
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Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.
Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.
He didn't explain, defend, or deny.
He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.
You gotta love George.
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Two men are walking in the desert. They come upon a hole in the ground. One man asks, "How deep is that hole?"
The other responds, "I don't know, throw something in it and see how long it takes to hit the bottom."
The other man turns around and finds an anvil. He tosses the anvil into the hole and two seconds later a goat flies by and jumps into the hole. Just then a rancher comes up and asks the men if they had seen his goat.
One man says,
"We just saw him jump into this hole!"
The Rancher replied, "That can't be, I had him tied to an anvil!"
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The fellow walked into a bar he had never been in before and ordered a drink. He then asked the bartender if he enjoyed dumb-jоск jokes. The beefy attendant leaned over the bar and fixed a withering glare on his customer. "Listen, buddy," he growled. "See those two big guys on the left? They're professional football players. And that huge fellow on your right is a world-class wrestler. That guy in the corner is a champion weight-lifter. And I lettered in three sports at Notre Dame. Now," he continued, "are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your dumb-jоск joke here?"
"Nah, I guess not," the man replied. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
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A man entered a library and asked,
"Can I have a pint of largar and a packet of crisp?" The librarian said " I’m sorry but this is a library " Then the man WHISPERED "!Oh, sorry can I have a pint of largar and a packet of crisp?"
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An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. As he’s drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says “Hey, what’s that little green thing down there?”
The green man runs down the bar gives the Englishman a raspberry, “SPLBLBLBLT!,” right in the face and runs back to the Irishman.
The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, “Hey, what is that thing, anyway?”
The Irishman replies, “Have some respect. He’s a leprechaun.”
“Oh, all right.” the Englishman says sullenly. They all go back to drinking вееr.
An hour or so later, the Englishman is really plastered.
“Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little ваsтаrd!” he says. The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT!
This time the Englishman is really mad!
“Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again I’ll cut his diск off!” he shouts “You can’t do that” says the Irishman. “Leprechauns don’t have diскs.”
“How do they рее, then?” asks the bewildered Englishman.
“They don’t,” says the Irishman. “They go SPLBLBLBLBT.”
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A little man is sitting in a bar when a big guy comes up and says here’s a punch from Japan the little man gets up and the big guy goes here’s a kick from Korea knocking him down the little guy just smiles and goes away 15 minutes later he comes over and knock the guy out cold then he looks at the bartender and says when he wakes up tell him that was a crowbar from "Lowes."
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Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is сuммing.
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Bruce Jenner winning woman of the year, just proves that men are better at everything, including, being a woman.
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