A Priest is fishing with his mate and catches something.
“That’s a huge fсuкеr you’ve got there father,” says the friend.
“Watch your language around a man of God,” replies the Priest.
A little embarrassed, the friend lies and tells the Priest that the species of fish is called a “fсuкеr”.
The Priest takes home the fish and talks to the Bishop and explains about catching the “fсuкеr”.
“I’ll clean the fсuкеr and we can have it for dinner tonight when the Pope comes round.”
So he cleans it and then shows it to the Cardinal, who says he’ll cook the “fсuкеr” for the Pope tonight.
The Pope comes round for dinner and comments on the lovely fish and, eager to please, the Priest exclaims, “I caught the fсuкеr!”
The Bishop cries, “I cleaned the fсuкеr!”
And the Cardinal continues, “I cooked the fсuкеr!”
The Pope takes a moments thought, looks around the table at them and says, “You know, you сunтs are alright.”
Donny is a 17-year-old ninth grader who is becoming increasingly disillusioned with the public school system. One day he got an easy homework assignment. All he had to do was put each of the following words in a sentence. This is what he did....
1. HOTEL -- I gave my girlfriend da сrавs and the HOTEL everybody.
2. RЕСТUМ -- I had two Cadillacs, but my ol' lady RЕСТUМ both.
3. DISAPPOINTMENT -- My parole officer tol me if I miss DISAPPOINTMENT they gonna send me back to the big house.
4. FORECLOSE -- If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money FORECLOSE.
5. CATACOMB -- Don King was at the fight the other night, Man, somebody give that
Catacomb.
6. РЕNIS -- I went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said РЕNIS.
7. ISRAEL -- Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said Man, that looks fake. He said, No, ISRAEL.
8. UNDERMINE -- There is a fine lookin' hое livin' in the apartment UNDERMINE.
9. TRIPOLI -- I was gonna buy my old lady a вrа but I couldn't find no TRIPOLI.
10. STAIN -- My mother-in-law axed if I was STAIN for dinner again.
11. SELDOM -- My cousin gave me two tickets to the Knicks game, so I SELDOM.
12. ODYSSEY -- I told my bro, you ODYSSEY the тiтs on this hое.
13. HORDE -- My sister got into trouble because she HORDE around in school.
14. INCOME -- I just got in bed wit dis hое and INCOME my wife.
15. FORTIFY -- I axed da hое how much? And she say FORTIFY.
Donny got an A.
A man is speeding down the freeway when he's stopped by a police car and has to pull over. "Do you realize you were doing 80 m. P. H. in a 60 m. P. H. zone, sir?" asks the policeman.
"That's impossible, sir, I never break the speed limit," replies the driver. The driver's wife butts in and says,
"Yes, you do, I'm always telling you to keep your speed down."
The policeman says,
"I also noticed, sir, that you didn't have your seatbelt on. You put it on as I was walking over to your car."
"That is not true, sir; I always wear my seatbelt," replies the driver.
"No, you don't, I'm always telling you to put your seatbelt on," says the driver's wife.
"Sтuрid woman," the driver explodes, "can't you, just for once, keep that big, fат trap of yours shut?"
The policeman is a bit shocked by how the driver is speaking to his wife, so he moves around to her side of the car. "Does he often speak to you like this, madam?"
"Oh, no, officer," she says,
"Only when he's drunк."
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, “Dear Sатаn, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies.”
Satan,, granted the man’s wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and telephone bill, drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries.
He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 p. M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 p. M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love - which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, “Sатаn, I don’t know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh please, let us trade back.”
The Sатаn, replied, “My dear, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You’ll have to wait 9 months, though.
You got pregnant last night!