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A 4-year-old kid was at school and his teacher told him that his homework was to learn the first four letters of the alphabet. At home his mum was on the phone when he asked her what’s the first letter of the alphabet so she said “Shut up.” His dad was watching a football match when the kid asked him about the second letter of the alphabet so he said “YES YES YES!!!” because his favorite team had just scored. His brother was playing Bat-Man when the kid asked him what’s the third letter of the alphabet so he said “Na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!!!” and the kid went away, happy. His 2 and 3/4 year old sisters playing with her dolls when he asked her about the fourth letter of the alphabet so she said “On my voom voom car.” The next day at school when his teacher asked him for the first letter of the alphabet he said Shut Up, so the teacher asked him if he wanted to go to the principal’s office, and he said YES YES YES!!! At the principal’s office the principle asked him “Who do you think you are?” the kid replied “Na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!!!” so the principle said “How are you going to get out of this mess?” And the kid replied “On my voom voom car”

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I got a massage today, which was pretty cool, you know. Except they gave me a man, which was a little weird, you know what I mean? At one point I was like, 'Is it normal to get an еrестiоn?' He goes, 'Sure.' I said, 'Well, can you get it out of my face?'

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A man was prescribed Viаgrа by his doctor who told him to take it one hour before sеx.
The man collected his prescription and went home to wait for his wife to get back from work. An hour before she was due home, he took the Viаgrа pill. But just as he was expecting her, she phoned to say that she wouldn’t be in for another 2 hours.
In a panic, he phoned the doctor. “What should I do?” he asked. “I’ve taken the pill but the effects will have worn off by the time my wife gets home.”
“I see” said the doctor “It is a pity to waste it. Do you have a maid?”
“Yes”
“Well, could you not occupy yourself with her instead?”
The man was silent for a few seconds, then said~ ~ ~
“But I never need Viаgrа with the maid”

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Doctor,” the man said to his ophthalmologist, “I was looking in the mirror this morning, and I notice that one of my eyes is different from the other!”
“Oh”? Replied the doctor “Which one?”

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A young man driving his convertible car with his loud music and cool demeanor pulls up to a stop light next to this young mother and 4 year old son. The little boy looks at the man and turns to his mom and says; “poor man his car is broken.”

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A little girl walked proudly into a dry goods store to buy material for a dress for her doll.
When she came to the cash register she asked, “What does this cost?"
"For a sweet little girl like you," replied the man (feeling generous)"I'll charge only one little kiss."
"Thanks" replied the tot. "Grandma said whatever it is, to charge it and she'll be by tomorrow to pay for it."

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A guy asked his lawyer, "If I pay off crooks, is it illegal?"
The lawyer replies,
"Yes, you'd be involved in a conspiracy."
"Good," said the man, been looking for a way to avoid paying my taxes!

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My wife packed her bags and left. She said I’m too immature for a 40 year old man. …
…
I’m not immature. I told her to get the hеll out of my fort.

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Weak men have a lover, strong men - three.

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Arguing with white people about slavery is like you've been arguing with your man all day and all night. He's ready to go to bed, so he says he's sorry. But you ain't finished arguing, so you go, 'What are you sorry for?' He goes, 'I don't know, вiтсh. I'm just sorry!'

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Math problems were invented by men, just so women would be wrong some of the time.

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On the base a Private First Class (PFC) was working in the car repair shop. The phone rang. He answered. The man on the phone asked,
"When will my car be fixed?"
The PFC replied, "Can't talk now I am working on some annoying General's car."
The man asked,
"Do you know who this is?"
"No."
"This is the ANNOYING GENERAL!"
The PFC quickly asked,
"Well, do you know who this is?"
"No."
"Good, goodbye!"

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A man goes into a coffee shop and says,
"I would like one of your special breakfasts."
"No problem," comes the reply from behind the counter.
"But I want it my way," says the man.
"What do you mean 'your way'?" asks the waiter.
The man says,
"Well, I want the eggs only half done," he says. "I want the baked beans done so they are baking hot on the top and freezing cold on the bottom. I want the bacon stuck to the plate with grease, with more rind than actual bacon. I want fried bread so greasy that the grease pours out of it."
"I don't have the time to do all that!" replies the waiter.
"Well it seemed you had the time yesterday!" answers the guest.

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The National Football League recently announced a new era. From now on, no offensive team names will be permitted. While the owners of the team rush to change uniforms and such, the National Football League announced, yesterday, its name changes and schedules for the '99 season:
The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People on opening day. Other key games include the Dallas Western-Style Laborers hosting the St. Louis Wild Endangered Species, and the Minnesota Plundering Norsemen taking on the Green Bay Meat Industry Workers.
In Week 2, there are several key matchups, highlighted by the showdown between the San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts and the New Orleans Pretty Good People. The Atlanta Birds of Prey will play host to the Philadelphia Birds of Prey.
The Monday night game will pit the Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes against the Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden. The Cincinnati Large Bangladeshi Carnivorous Mammals will travel to Tampa Bay for a clash with the West Indies Free Booters later in Week 9. And the Detroit Large Carnivorous Cats will play the Chicago Large Mountain Mammals.
Week 9 also features the Indianapolis Young Male Horses at the New England Zealous Lovers of Country.

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My friends from Brooklyn would call me at work, kind of militant. They'd want to talk about the man coming down on the brother man and the system. And I'm like, 'Hey, can I call you back later? I'm at the system.'

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A man who loaned his now-ex-girlfriend money for вrеаsт implants is suing. He wants either the money or the implants back. Couldn’t they just work out something like weekly visitation rights?”

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One sunny day a man decided to go jump from an airplane. When he jumped there was good and bad news....
Good news: He had a parachute.
Bad News: It didnt work.
Good News: There was a haystack down below.
Bad news: There was a pitchfork in the haystack.
Good News: He missed the pitchfork.
Bad News: He missed the haystack.

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The man was in a clinic with difficulty in walking,him and the doctor decided to chop the leg and heal it. when he wake up the nurse said" i have good and bad news" the man said" whats the bad news?" the nurse said" i have choped the wrong leg"
The man said" whats the good news?" the nurse said" your other leg is getting better"

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