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Вицове за Мъже English Männer-Witze, Männerwitze Chistes de hombres Про мужчин Blague sur les hommes Barzellette Uomini ανέκδοτα για άντρες Мажи.. Erkek Fıkraları Анекдоти чоловіки Piadas sobre Homens Dowcipy i kawały: Mężczyźni Skämt om män Mannen Moppen, Moppen over man... Jokes om mænd Vitser for menn Vitsit miehistä, Miesvitsit Férfi viccek Bancuri Barbati Anekdoty a vtipy o mužích a ma... Juokai apie vyrus Joki par vīriešiem Vicevi o muškarcima
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Men jokes

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Men are like..... Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
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Men are like..... Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
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How are men like diplomas?
You spend lots of time getting one, but once you
Have it, you don't know what to do with it.
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Το πιο άσχημο μωρό The baby Το άσχημο μωρό Една жена се качила в автобус с бебето си. Шофьорът казал: В автобусе едет женщина с ребёнком.Заходит пьяный мужик: A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says Uma mulher entra no ônibus com seu filho e o motorista se espanta: I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady" Wchodzi kobieta z czarnym dzieckiem na rękach do autobusu. - Fuj Kommt eine Frau mit ihrem Kind auf dem Arm in den Bus. Sagt der Busfahrer: "Mensch sie haben aber ein häßliches Kind!" Schockiert und immer noch verärgert setzt sich die Frau in den Bus. Ihr... På en buss i London satt en ung kvinna med sin baby i famnen när en berusad man klev på och stannade framför henne. Mannen tittade en lång stund på barnet och sa sedan så högt att alla i bussen... Met haar baby van zes dagen op de arm stapt Annie de bus in. "Dat is de lelijkste baby die ik ooit heb gezien!" zei de chauffeur Annie stapt de bus in met haar pasgeboren baby op haar arm. Zegt de buschauffeur: 'Tering! Zo'n lelijk kind heb ik nog nooit gezien!' Annie wordt boos en gaat helemaal achterin de bus zitten. Een... En dame går på en buss med babyen sin. Bussjåføren sier: - Det er den styggeste babyen jeg noen gang har sett. Æsj!. Dama finner seg et sete og setter seg ned O femeie cu un copil in brate se urca in autobuz. Soferul Zice: - Aoleu Een vrouw staat samen met haar baby op de arm te wachten bij een bushalte. Als de bus aan komt en de vrouw instapt zegt de buschauffeur: "Dat is de lelijkste baby die ik ooit heb gezien!" De vrouw... En dame går på bussen med babyen sin Kadın bebeğiyle otobüse binerken otobüs şöförü kendini tutamayıp şöyle demiş: - Aman tanrım ne kadar çirkin bir bebek... Kadın sinirle biletini kutuya basmış A lady boards the bus with her baby. The bus driver looks at the baby and says "that's the ugliest thing I've ever seen!" The lady finds a seat and she is mad as hell. She tells the guy in the seat... A woman walks onto the Bus with his child. The driver says Uma Senhora estava sentada com o seu filhinho no colo En kvinde kommer ind i en bus med en baby på armen... Chaufføren kigger længe på ungen og udbryder: "Hold da kæft en grim unge" Kvinden sætter sig bagest i bussen Moteris su mažu vaiku įlipa į mikroautobusą. Vairuotojas imdamas pinigus
A woman got on a bus holding a baby.
The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said,
"Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers.
He could be fired for that."
"You're right," she said.
"I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"
"That's a good idea," the man said.
"Here, let me hold your monkey."
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What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
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Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
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A guy is sitting at the bar watching the game and enjoying his вееr.
Another guy strolls over and they begin to converse.
After a while the second asks if he had ever played "вееr football?"
He said no, and asked how to play.
"Well, if you chug a вееr, you get 6 points, and if you bend over and fаrт, you get an extra point."
So, the second guy starts off by chugging his вееr and farting.
The first man chugged his вееr with ease, and when he веnт over to fаrт, the second guy came up and kicked him in the вuтт and exclaimed, "BLOCK THE KICK!"
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A guy was sitting in a bar, drinking away.
Suddenly he says to the bartender, "I have to go home or the wife will be mad".
(at this point he was loaded drunк)
He climbed down from the bar stool, and fell flat on his face.
The man then said "I can't walk and I didn't have that much to drink?".
He gets up to give it another try, this time the same thing happens and he falls flat to his face.
He says "I have to get home some way or the wife will кill me if I don't get home soon"!
He gets an idea of crawling home, so away he went crawling home.
He crawled up to his apartment and slowely snuck into bed with his wife trying not to wake her.
The next morning he woke up to see his wife running in the room.
She said "you were out drinking again last night weren't you!"
The man replied with "NO WAY!"
And the wife said "YOU LIAR!
The bartender just called and said you left your wheelchair at the club again last night"!
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"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
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Q:How do you find a man in a bar who is sensitive, caring and good looking?
A:He's nursing a Mike's Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gаy!
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A man was found murdered in his home over the weekend.
Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his tub.
The tub had been filled with milk, and the deceased had a banana protruding from his buttocks.
Police suspect a cereal killer.
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A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. "Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?"
"Yes, my husband."
"Are you happy?"
"Yes, my husband."
"Happier than you were with me?"
"Yes, my husband."
"Then Heaven must be an amazing place!"
"I'm not in Heaven, dear."
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Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty hоrny so they all make a deal. Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on. All the men get sеx every five weeks and the woman gets sеx as often as she wants with a different man each week. The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies... The first week after wasn't too bad. The second week was geting sort of bad. The third week was getting pretty bad. The fourth week was really bad. The fifth week was horrible! By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
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Proč dávají muži přednost inteligentním ženám? Protiklady se přitahují.
Q: Why do men prefer intelligent women?
A: Opposites attract.
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One Thanksgiving, a friend and I were walking down a main street in Albany when a man comes up to me and gives me a turkey and says, "Happy Thanksgiving!
" Without hesitation my friend knocks him out. I asked my friend why he punched the nice man. My friend said, "He gave you the bird!"
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Q. How do men define a long-term relationship?
A. A second date.
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One night, there was a knock on my door...
i open it and no one was there every night I would get the same knock and still no one was there...
Untill the morning I was just making myself some tea as a person knocks on my door it was a black man he walk in and stole my tea ....
i said to myself did he just mug me ....
I still didn't know who was knocking on the doors at night
Untill one night I opened my door and there was a floating mug I was still confused.
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Η Ψυχανάλυση Знаете ли защо психолозите предпочитат да работят с мъже Почему психологам проще работать с мужчинами ¿Por qué el psicoanálisis es más breve para el hombre que para la mujer?. Porque os psicanalistas são mais rápidos no tratamento dos homens do que nas mulheres? Porque enquanto as mulheres têm que regredir até a infância Weshalb geht eine Psychoanalyse bei Männern schneller als bei Frauen? - Wenn es darum geht Por que a psicanálise é mais rápida para os homens ? Porque quando dizem para ele voltar à infância Pourquoi une psychanalyse dure moins longtemps pour un homme ? Pas besoin de régresser en enfance Pourquoi est-ce que la psychanalyse des hommes est plus rapide que celle des femmes ? - Parce qu'il s'agit de remonter dans l'enfance Proč je rychlejší psychoanalýza u muže? Protože když se chce doktor dostat do jeho dětství Dlaczego psychoanaliza mężczyzn jest szybsza od psychoanalizy kobiet? - Dlatego Varför går en psykisk analys mycket snabbare för män än för kvinnor? - När det är dags att gå tillbaka till barndomen är männen redan där.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
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