A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him. "Hello there," says the man, "and what is your name?"
"Hello," giggles the woman, "I'm Stacey. What's yours?"
"I'm Jim."
"Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight? I mean, right now??"
"Sure!" replies Jim, "Let's go!"
So Stacey takes Jim to her house and takes him to her room. Jim sits down on the bed and notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk.
"Stacey, I noticed the picture of a man on your desk," Jim says. "Yes? And what about it?" asks Stacey.
"Is it your brother?"
"No, it isn't, Jim!" Stacey giggles.
Jim's eyes widen, suspecting that it might be Stacey's husband. When he finally asks,
"Is it your husband?" Stacey giggles even more,
"No, silly!"
Jim was relieved.
"Then, it must be your boyfriend!"
Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, "No, silly!!"
"Then, who is it?" Jim asks. Stacey replies,
"That's me BEFORE my operation!!"
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a вееr before it starts" She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a вееr. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another вееr. It's gonna start." This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a вееr. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another вееr before it starts."
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You ваsтаrd! You waltz in here, flop your fат аss down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slаvе. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?" The husband sighed. "Oh shiт, it started!”
There are three men that work together, an Italian, an Irish, and a Polish man. One day, the Italian man is having lunch and says,
"If my wife makes me a meatball sandwich again, I'm going to jump off the building." The Irish man and the Polish man say the same thing because they all have the same lunch everyday. The next day, the three men go to eat their lunches and they are the same as usual. The Italian man has a meatball sandwich, the Irish man has baked potatoes, and the Polish man has kilbossi with a roll and mustard. They walk all the way up the stairs to the roof and jump off. The cops find them, call their wives, and bring them to the building where their husbands work. Nobody knows why they jumped except a co-worker, who tells the police that the men didn't like their lunches, so they jumped off. The Italian's wife says,
"He should have told me, I would have made him something different." The Irish man's wife says the same thing. The Polish man's wife says,
"I don't know why he jumped, he makes his own lunch."
Two men are sitting at a bar, slowly sipping their drinks.
After a while, the first man approaches the other man, and sits next to him.
"This place is great, isn't it?" he asks.
The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger's remark, replies,
"Why do you say that?"
The first man, in a low tone of voice, responds, "Follow me."
The two of them walk over to a large window at the end of the room.
The window faces out onto the street, 12 floors below.
"Here's why."
The first man throws open the window, and boldly steps out into thin air.
But he remains aloft!
"The air currents are great here!" he exclaims. "It's very relaxing."
He floats back into the room.
As his feet return to the bar-room floor, he invites the second man to try it.
The second man, skeptical, peers out through the window - down to the pavement twelve stories below.
He looks to either side, and finally up above, to see if there was anything holding the first man up.
Convinced that it was no trickery, the second man swallows, closes his eyes, and steps out into thin air.
He promptly falls twelve stories to the pavement below.
The first man grins and returns to the bar.
Looking rather irritated, the barkeep comes over to the place where the man sits.
"You know," he says, disgusted.
"You're a real jеrк when you're drunк, Superman."