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Little Johnny walked in one day on his daddy in the bathroom. He asked his father what that was hanging between his legs. His father replied that it was the perfect реnis. The next day at school, Johnny pulled his pants down in front of his classmates.
''What's that?'' asked Jenny.
''Well,'' said Johnny, ''if it was about 3 inches smaller, it would be the perfect реnis.'''
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A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for a соndом.The pharmacist asks, "Would you like me to put that on your bill?"
The duck replies, "What kind of duck do you think I am?"
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Woman:
Can I get Viаgrа here? Pharmacist: Yes. Woman: Can I get it over the counter? Pharmacist: If you give me two of them, you can.
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Q: How are blondes like pianos?
A: When they're not upright, they're grand.
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Q: What do you get when you cross a pickle with a female deer?
A: A dildо.
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There was a guy on the beach with about 25 gorgeous chicks swarming all around him. Seeing this, a second guy strolls on up to him and asks, "What's your secret?"
The guy whispers, "All you gotta do is stick a pickle in your pants." In a fluorish, the second guy runs off and stuffs a pickle in his pants. But when he returns to the shore, he soon discovers that every single girl that looks his way, runs off screaming in вlооdy terror. Confused, he hurries over to the first guy and desperately asks, "Why are all the girls running away from me?"
The first guy looks up and replies, "The pickle's on the wrong side."
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Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill dough.
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A city slicker went to the country to buy a pig.
When he approached the pig farmer, he asked for a 25-pound pig. The pig farmer put the pig's tail in his mouth and bobbed his head up and down. He then told the city slicker that the pig was too heavy - it was 30 pounds. The city slicker told the farmer he didn't believe that was the way to weigh pigs. The farmer called his son over and asked him to weigh the pig. The son put the pig's tail in his mouth, bobbed his head a couple of times and said the pig weighed 30 pounds. The city slicker said the farmer and his son were putting him on. The farmer told his son to go get his mother and have her come out and weigh the pig. The son went into the house and after a few minutes came out again.
"Mom's weighing the mailman."
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Q: What is the definition of a chauvinist pig?
A: A guy who hates every воnе in a woman's body except his own.
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Once there was a guy that went in a whоrеhоusе and says, “What can I get for five bucks?
” The madam says, “Second door on the right and f**k whatever is there.” He goes, sees a pig, figured “Whaddya want for five bucks?” and f**ks it. The next week he comes back and asks what he can get for $20. The madam says, “Second floor, second door on the right, watch what happens.” He goes in, sits down and looks down, he sees a glass floor with a view of a guy f**king a chicken on the first floor. He says to the man next to him, “Look at him with the chicken. That's crazy.” The guy responds, “You shoulda been here last week - some guy was f**king a pig!”
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An old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs, and every morning the farmer would head out to feed them.
And every morning, he would see all the pigs sсrеwing up a storm. He would get turned on by this and try to get back to the house in time to sсrеw his wife - but he always got soft before he got there. So one day, he took his hatchet and headed out to the pig pen.
"No!" said his wife. "Don't кill those pigs!"
"I'm not going to кill them. I'm moving the pen closer to the house."
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A farmer had just bought some pigs for breeding, but didn't quite know how to do it.
He soon found out that the vet would charge him $200 a pig. That was a little rich for his blood, so he figured he might be able to do it himself. So for three weeks, he'd load up all the pigs in the truck and take 'em to an isolated location where nobody would see him doing it. After three weeks, none of the pigs were pregnant, so he decided to forget about it for a morning. That morning, his wife happened to look out the window.
"Honey? What are you doing to those pigs?"
"What do you mean?" asked the farmer.
"One's honking the horn, and the others are rocking the back of the truck."
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- папа карло Татко Карло среща Пинокио Буратино приходит к папе Карло и говорит: Pinocchio e la carta smerigliata Pinocchio ha appena avuto un rapporto sessuale con la sua ragazza e le chiede come sia andata. Lei gli dice: - 'Pinocchio ... non te la prendere Pinóquio tinha uma namorada humana e sempre que transavam ela reclamava de umas farpas em seu pênis. Ele então resolveu pedir ajuda a Gepetto Senelis išdrožė iš medžio Pinokį ir išleido į pasaulį. Grįžta Pinokis po savaitės nuliūdęs ir senelis klausia: - Tai kas atsitiko? - Žinai
Pinocchio and his girlfriend were having problems. Every time they would do it, she would complain about splinters, so Pinocchio went to Gepetto about the problem.
Gepetto told Pinocchio to go to the hardware store and buy some sandpaper to sand off the splinters before he had sеx with his girlfriend.
A week later, Gepetto asked Pinocchio, "So how's it going with your girlfriend?"
Pinocchio said, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
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4 или 6? Die Blondine und die Pizza Ποιος θα τα φάει; Аз пицата си я режа на четири парчета… Блондинка влиза в пицария и си поръчва пица. Една блондинка си поръчала пица по телефона. A loira liga para a pizzaria e pede uma pizza. — A senhora quer que eu corte a pizza em quatro ou em oito pedaços? A loira pensa um pouco e responde: — Por favor Ruft ne Blondine beim Pizzaservice an. "Eine Pizza Margherita bitte!" Esto es una rubia que entra en una pizzería y el encargado le pregunta: -¿Desea que le corte su pizza en 4 o en 8? - Solo en cuatro Przychodzi blondynka do baru i zamawia pizzę. Kelner pyta: - W 6 czy 12 kawałkach? - W 6 Pizzabagaren: - Ska jag skära pizzan i sex eller tolv bitar? - Ole: - Sex Une blonde commande une pizza : - Bonjour je voudrais une 4 fromages s'il vous plait - On vous la découpe en 6 parts ou 12 ? - En 6 Se encontraban Nito y Neto en su viña y le dice Nito a Neto: Neto Vad svarar blondinen Una rubia encarga una pizza y el pizzero le pregunta si la corta en seis o en ocho porciones. La rubia responde: - Córtela en seis Een blondje heeft een pizza besteld als ineens de ober vraagt of hij de pizza in 6 stukken of in 12 stukken moet snijden. Waarop het blondje antwoordt: “Nou El pizzero le pregunta al cliente: - ¿Le corto su pizza en 4 u 8 pedazos? Y el cliente le contesta: - En 4 nomás En blondine kommer ind på et pizzaria. pizzamanden: hvilken pizza vil du bestille? blondinen: en skinke pizza pizzamanden: vil du have pizzaen skåret ud i 4 Een dom blondje gaat naar de pizzeria en bestelt een pizza Margerita Zegt de pizzaman na een tijdje wil je de pizza in 6 of in 10 stukken gesneden?? Zegt het domme blondje; in 6 stukken Blondynka zamówiła pizzę. Sprzedawca pyta się Заходить блондинка в кафе і замовляє піцу. Офіціант запитує: — Вам піцу порізати на 6 шматків чи 12? Блондинка: — Ні Er komt een domkop bij de pizzeria. Hij bestelt een pizza. Wanneer de pizza klaar is Blondýnka si objednala pizzu. Číšník se ptá: „Chcete ji rozřezat na šest O sujeito está viajando de carro e de repente lhe dá fome. Ele para num posto à beira da estrada e vê que o restaurante é uma pizzaria. Ele chega ao balcão e pede uma pizza mista Um economista (de alguma universidade) andava devagar e foi a uma pizzaria. O balconista perguntou se queria que cortasse a pizza em oito ou em seis pedaços. “Estou com bastante fome. Seria melhor... O blonda intra intr-o pizzerie Blondi oli pizzaa ostamassa. Myyjä kysyi: - Leikataanko kuuteen vai kahteentoista palaan? Blondi vastasi: - Kuuteen Sarışın biri bi pizza ısmarlar. Pizacı sorar: 6 parçayamı böleyim Bellan var på en pizzeria och skulle köpa en hel pizza. - Vill du ha 4 eller 8 bitar? Frågar killen på pizzerian. Bellman svarar: - 4 ¿ En cuántos trozos te corto la pizza? ¿En cuatro o en seis? En cuatro que yo seis no soy capaz de comerme. A blonde calls a pizza place to have one ordered to her house. They ask her if she wants the pizza cut into 6 or 12 pieces and she says Bemegy egy rendőr a pizzériába Ateina blondinė į piceriją. Prie jos prieina padavėjas ir klausia: - Panele Une blonde appelle la pizzeria pour passer une commande : L'employé : "En combien de morceaux la pizza? 6? 12? La blonde : "En 6 voyons ! Je ne pourrais jamais manger 12 morceaux toute seule! Uma loira com muita fome O blonda se duce la o pizzerie. Vine ospatarul si comanda o pizza. Cand vine cu Pizza
A blonde orders a pizza and is asked if she wants it cut into six or 12 pieces. She responds, "Six, please. I could never eat 12 pieces."
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A man notices a blonde suскing on the bottom of a Coke can. Curious, he asks her what she's doing.
"Duh! It says for best taste drink by date on the bottom."
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Q: What do porcupines say after they kiss?
A: "Ouch."
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I should have known that my last relationship wasn't gonna last because it's not a good sign when your girlfriend's favorite position in bed is the fetal position.
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Q: Two little potatoes stand on the street corner. One is a рrоsтiтuте. How can you tell which one is the рrоsтiтuте?
A: It's the one with the little sticker that reads: "I-DA-НО." Also, she has hеrреs sores on her lips.
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