Money jokes

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There were two secretaries that worked at this very large company. They didn’t know one another very well, but were friendly at work.
It was vacation time and they stood before the vacation schedule to see when they had time off. They noticed that their vacation days were the same.
Both were single, so after discussing their plans, they decided they could save money on a trip by going together.
They chose an exotic island getaway and on the way there, they soon discovered all they had in common. After a long flight, they checked into their single bedroom and decided to call it a night.
As they lay in bed, the one girl leaned close to the other, placed her arm around her seductively and said, “I really need to tell you Something and I’m going to be frank..”
Suddenly, the other girl rose up and said, “NO, I want to be Frank!”
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A new CEO takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. He can’t believe this guy would just stand around on the job.
The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, “What are you doing here?”
“I’m just waiting to get paid,” responds the man.
Furious, the CEO asks “How much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young fellow replies, “I make about $300 a week. Why?”
The CEO quickly gets out his checkbook, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says, “Here’s four weeks’ pay, now get out and don’t come back.”
The man puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out.
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?”
From across the room comes a voice, “Yeah, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy $1,200.”
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Three men walked into the bar to see how much it would take to get them drunк. Man number one reached his limit and passed out at 6 drinks. The other two men laughed at him and stole his money and clothes and threw him in the alley thinking how funny it would be for him when he wakes up. The two men continued the battle, drink after drink they continued all night. Finally, the nакеd guy in the alley woke up 12 hours later. He was quite upset and streaked into the bar to try to find the whereabouts of his friends. They were still drinking and not giving up. The first man approached them about what they did to him and asked why they still continued to drink. They said they used up all his money and sold his clothes to continue the match and would not let the other do the same to him when he passed out, so they felt they had to keep going all night. All of a sudden, the first man yells, look out, it's your wives! They jumped out of their clothes from fright and passed out on the floor. The first man said to himself, "suckers! That was fake money in my pocket. But these credit cards sure look real."
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A woman in her eighties made the evening news because she was getting married for the fourth time. The following day she was being interviewed by a local TV station, and the commentator asked about what it felt to be married again at that age and would she share part of her previous experiences, since it seem quite unique the fact that her new husband was a ‘funeral director.’ After a short time to think, a smile came to her face and she proudly explained that she had first married a banker when she was in her twenties, in her forties she married a circus ring master, and in her sixties she married a pastor and now in her eighties, a funeral director. The amazed commentator asked her why she had married men with such diverse carriers. With a smile on her face she explained, ‘I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.’
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Two women are chatting in an office.
Woman 1:
“I had sеx last night, did you?”
Woman 2:
“Yes.”
Woman 1:
“Was it good?”
Woman 2:
“No, it was a disaster… my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sеx in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?”
Woman 1:
“Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sеx and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!”
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1:
“You wanted sеx last night, how was it?”
Husband 2:
“Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, had sеx with my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?”
Husband 1:
“It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn’t paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn’t have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour - and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn’t get it up for an hour and then I couldn’t сliмаx for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn’t fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!”
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