Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. "What's wrong?"
The depressed one replied, "I've been married four times and everyone of my husbands has passed away."
The other lady asked,
"What did they used to do?"
The depressed lady replied, "Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a mortician."
And the other said,
"Oh, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
The afternoon before the wedding, the groom Josh and his dad Dave are sharing a drink among the guests. Dave makes a bet with his son… …
…
“$500, even money, that I can shаg your mother tonight more times than you sсrеw the brains out of your new filly,” dad says. …
…
It sounds like a sure bet to Josh and he shakes his old man’s hand… “You’re on, dad.” …
…
The wedding and reception go off without a hitch. Later, back home, Josh’s dad climbs in bed and his wife finds him very amorous. When he’s done, he looks over at the night stand for something to tally his accomplishments, No pen or paper, but his eyes rest upon a pointed letter opener. Dave looks at the old, dark varnish on the bed’s headboard and proudly gouges a deep, bold tick-mark into it. ….
…
After a short snooze Dave nudges his wife and they go at it again. A little winded, Dave scratches another tick-mark alongside the first one. …
….
Dave falls asleep again, but wakes up, determined not to lose the bet. It takes him quite a while to сliмаx, and he is quite out of breath. It is all he can do to scratch the third tick-mark and he falls on his pillow and sleeps hard. …
…
About 11AM, he is shaken awake by his son. “Dad! Dad! my wedding night was fabulous! How about - ” Josh stops mid- sentence looking at the headboard. …
…
“Wooohoo, dad! ONE HUNDRED ELEVEN??? Wow, you beat me by three!”
Five cannibals get hired on as engineers at a large International Company…. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says, “You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for a meal, so please don’t eat any of the other employees.” The cannibals promised.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says, “You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our janitors has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?”
The cannibals all shake their heads no. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others, “Which of you idiots ate the janitor?”
A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replies, “You fool! For four weeks we’ve been eating Vice Presidents, Corporate Lawyers, and Regional Managers and no one noticed anything, and you have to go and eat the janitor!”