Most popular jokes

A woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

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A mouse and an elephant are walking through the forest.
The elephant falls in a hole so the mouse gets his Porsche throws a rope down into the hole and pulls the elephant out.
So they continue walking and the mouse falls into a hole.
The elephant throws his diск into the hole and the mouse climbs out.
Moral of the story: if you have a big enough diск you don't need a Porsche.

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Dirty jokes Car and driving jokes Animal Jokes

One day a priest told the Mother Superior that he was going into town and try to convert some ladies of the evening.
Later off he went and drove to a certain part of town known for the ladies of the evening.
The first one he approached asked him before he had a chance to say a word she said "heh Father, how about a little head for 10"
He was clueless and embarrassed and left quickly.
He approached another young woman and again before he could say a word she said "heh Father, how about a little head for 10?"
Again he left quickly and returned to the convent.
Once back he saw Mother Superior and quietly took him aside and whispered Mother Superior "what's head?"
She replied "$10.00 same as in town."

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BLONDE: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
BLONDE: (puzzled look) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Before sеx, you help each other get nакеd. After sеx you dress yourself.
Moral of the story: No one helps you once you're fuскеd.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Vulgar jokes Life Jokes

What do you call 100 million black guy skydiving during the daytime?
Nightfall.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

John and Bob were discussing their married lives. Although happily married to their wives, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. John said,
“I’ve made one great discovery. I know how to always have the last word.”
“Wow!" said Bob, “how did you manage that?”
“It’s easy,” replied John, “my last word is always ‘Yes, Dear.’”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

Chuck Norris went to the virgin islands once.
They are now called the Islands.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

This guy named "John" asked advice how to lose extra LBS gained during vacation and was told about some new fitness center.
So John went to check it out.
Walked in, put $10 on the counter and said: "I'd like to lose 10 LBS please?!"
The receptionist smiled and pointed to a pink door.
John walked slowly into the room and saw only a massage table, a gorgeous sсаnтily dressed woman on the other side. She said in a sеxy voice "If you catch me, you fuск me! " John ran around n round, caught her and...
A few days later John returned. He put $20 on the counter and said "I'd like to lose 20 LBS. The smiling receptionist and pointed to a red door. John strutting to the door, and entered where he beheld 2 beautifully attired very hot n sеxy women kissing and caressing each other, then they stood up, gazed at John, who was already moving toward them. And they purred "you catch us, you fuск us!"
Already in motion, John ran round n round caught one, then caught the other...
The following week John went back again.
He smiled while searching for the door he knew was waiting for him, and slapped $50 on the counter saying excitedly "50 LBS for 50 bucks."
The receptionist pointed to a black door.
John strode over with quick steps, opened the door and immediately heard a deep voice belonging to the biggest blackest buck nакеd she-male say excitedly
"I catch you I fuск you!"

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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Vulgar jokes Fitness jokes

A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician did the same tricks each week. However, there was a problem, the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting out the secrets in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat." "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table." "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day, the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself with the parrot, adrift on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, then another, and another. Finally, after a week, the parrot said, "Okay, I give up. Where the heck is the boat?"

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When Chuck Norris comes to your house, your the guest.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

They found Chuck Norris's diary. It's now know as the Guinness Book of World Records.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

My wife said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before."
So I said, "Try the kitchen!"

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Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

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A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
But her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two аssеs come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two аssеs, they come together again.
I come again and рее twice.
Then I come one lasta time.’
The lady can’t take this anymore, “You foul- mouthed sеx obsessed pig!”
She retorted indignantly.
‘In this country, we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sеx lives!”
‘Hey, coola down lady,’ said the man, ‘Whooza talkin’ about sеx?
I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘ Mississippi ‘..
$5.00 says you’re gonna read this again!

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

Knock-knock
Who's there?
Fuck.
Fuck who?
You.

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yo mama so sтuрid she put her head in a mailbox and talked we asked her whats she was doing she said shes sending a voicemail

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Yo Momma Jokes Insult Jokes

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
"You always feel like you have to рее. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even сrар anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I рее every morning at 6:00. I рее like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
"No, I сrар every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You рее every morning at 6:00 and сrар every morning at 6:30.
So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00!"

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Old People Jokes

I would like to be Santa Claus
…
….
He knows where all the naughty girls live.

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Christmas Jokes

Three Belizean couples are dining together. Joe says to his wife: "Pass me the honey, Honey".
Daniel says to his wife: "Pass me the sugar, Sugar".
Then Jaime says to his wife: "Pass me the steak, Dumb соw"

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Marriage and Family Jokes

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