Nationality

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White people, don't be embarrassed, because we have a show that makes us feel the same way -- it's called the news.

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Black people love 'The Price is Right.' Don't we love 'The Price is Right'? A nеgrо might not know how to read, but he knows how much Rice-a-Roni costs.

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I went to a speciality shop to buy a вrа for my wife
The clerk said he needed to know something about her before making a suggestion for instance: We have a Presbyterian вrа that is firm and supportive. We have the Salvation Army вrа that is warm and uplifting.
The clerk asked me do you understand? I said yes she is Jewish, small busted and always finding fault with me.
You need the Jewish вrа. It makes mountains out of mole hills

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I know we are all gutted about not hosting the World Cup, but at least we will get to see the Qatar national football team! The commentary is going to be amazing:
Muhammad passes to Muhammed who gives a glorious through ball to Muhammad, Muhammad shoots, Muhammad scores. The crowd explode with excitement!
52,000 people die in that explosion.

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What a lot of people don't know is that a lot of those songs was like codes and messages, you know? Like 'Swing Low, Sweet Chariot' was, like, 'Swing low, 'cause the Underground Railroad is coming.' There was probably some slaves who probably tried to write spirituals but just really wasn't that good at concealing the message. It'd be like, 'Hey, Rascals, I hear you been working on a spiritual. Won't you sing it for everybody?'
'Alright, master. Oh, tonight at 8:30/Gonna get some shovels and bash white folk in the head/What time?/8:30/Do what?/Gonna кill white folk.'

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We don't have any good black leaders anymore... We don't have no Martin Luther King anymore, no Malcolm X. The last good black leader we had was Public Enemy.

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The father of the bride was my cousin, Sal. Sal was in the construction business, and that's all we say.

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Being the third generation, I feel all-American, you know? I feel like baseball and apple pie, but I realize I look like nachos and cockfighting.

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I think all you white people should be called 'white' -- follow me now -- and I think all people of color should be called 'wheat.' See, this will be perfect because I like the idea of me being nutritious. That's an n-word I can live with.

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There is one group of white guys who does have it rough, and that's the American white guys in the NBA. 'Cause the good jobs are going to the Eastern Europeans now, and these guys don't mess around. You cannot intimidate a Croatian with street ball. He's been dodging missiles -- elbows are nothing.

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We have all these Cuban refugees who swam here from Cuba. But how many Cubans are there on the U. S. swim team? It would be so easy -- all you have to do is paint a picture of Florida on either side.

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If you persecute somebody just because they might look a little different, then you are no better than our country's founding fathers.

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I guarantee it -- if you go deep into the heart of the Amazon jungle, you will stumble upon a tribe of previously undiscovered Irish people with sticks and tin whistles and big, hairy ears, whose only words are 'Ah, go on, you'll have a drink. You'll have one.'

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I'm writing a movie. It's a horror movie. It's about black people, designed to scare white people. It's called 'Black Men: Employed.'

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I love NBA basketball. It's my favorite black show on television.

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Everybody's into rap. White folks love rap, right? Rap, rock, blues... White folks love everything about black culture, except the blacks.

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The national debt isn't the only thing that's rising.

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The national vegetation cross-breeding championship was underway, and a couple of ladies were perusingall of the edible fare that were exhibited.
"Look at these strange vegetables," remarked Sally. "Peas cross-bred with carrots, broccoli with corn; how unusual the way they look when farmers do this to our food."
"What are the chances that food as strange looking as these are okay to eat?" asked Mary.
"I think the odds are pretty good," said Sally.
"Well, I think the GOODS are pretty odd." Mary replied. "I'll pass!"

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