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Национални вицове English Nationen-Witze, Indianerwitze Chiste de internacionales, Chi... Русский Blague sur les Nationalités Barzellette su Nazioni Ανέκδοτα με εθνότητες Македонски Türkçe Анекдоти національні Português Dowcipy i kawały: Polak, Niemi... Svenska Nederlands Nationaliteter vittigheder, Jo... Norsk Suomi Magyar Româna Čeština Anekdotai apie tautas, Tautini... Par citām tautām Hrvatski
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What do you call your angry french aunt
A crossaunt
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English: It’s the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée !”
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English:
Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.
Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”
“Under my bench,” he replies.
French:
Toto est à l’école et demande s’il peut aller au salle de bain. La maîtresse dit non.
Puis, elle demande à Toto, “Où est le plus grand riviere du monde ?”
“Sous mon banc,” il répond.
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Mike is the only man I know in more trouble now that he's white than he was when he was black.
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I went to doctors today and told him “I’ve got a problem, every time I finish маsтurватing I sing the American national anthem”.
The doctor said, “Don’t worry, a lot of wankers sing that”.
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In this era of political correctness, you really have to watch what you say. I had an incident here in New York City on the subway. This black gentleman approached me really enthusiastically, and he asked, 'Hey man, did the Yankees win?' And I said, 'Yeah -- you're free.'
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What does a Mexican order at Starbucks? Cap-a-Chino!
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Nobody starves in America. People in America die from over eating.
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A speaker at Democratic National Convention asked the audience, "Are you better off now?"
The audience answered in chorus voice, "Yes."
As soon as the loud voice turned silent, a delegate stood up and asked,
"How did the GOP get better off?"
The speaker declared, "We all are on the same boat, remember?"
The delegate exasperated, "Yeah, Noah's Ark - animals in couples!"
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I'm from Plano, Texas. Has anyone ever heard of Plano at all? For those of you who haven't, Plano is a suburb north of Dallas that happens to have the ethnic diversity of a Кlаn rally.
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All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture", and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or Reported:
1. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant Crew, the pilot said,
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached Cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for Your comfort, and to enhance the appearance of your flight Attendants."
2. On landing the stewardess said,
"There may be 50 ways to leave Your lover, but there are only 4 ways out off this airplane."
3. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:
"Whoa, big fella.
Whoa!"
4. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please Take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a Landing like that, sure as hеll everything has shifted."
5. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will Descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull It over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, Secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with More than one small child, pick your favorite."
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We've gone far ever since Ricky Martin. Thank you, Ricky. Who would have thought all you had to do to make Latin music so popular is just take out all the Latin music.
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America's getting more and more culturally diverse every day, man. It's beautiful, man. We're trying to get along. We're good people. That's why I hate it when the president says the world hate us. Every time I see him on TV, 'The world hates us and our freedom.' And I'm like, 'Us? It's you!'
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Three Spies are captured in London. One is German, one is French and the other is Italian.
First they interrogate the German spy and after 3 hours of torture he talks and is thrown back into the cell with the others.
Then the French spy is interrogated, and after about 8 hours of torture they get him to talk and throw him back with the others.
Last they interrogate the Italian spy and after 20 hours of torture and failing to make him say a word they give up for the day and throw him back with the others. When he is back in the cell with the other spies asked him,
"How did you last that long without saying a word"? Then the Italian man says,
"I was trying to speak but they had my hands strapped down and I wasn't able to move them".
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Two men, an American and an Indian were sitting in a bar and discussing about their family problems..
The Indian man said to the American, 'We have problem in India we can't marry the one whom we love, You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a lot of family problems.
The American said, talking about love marriages... In America We can marry the one whom we love. I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.
The Indian fainted........!
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I see my Nubian princesses hiding over there. Hey, I'm Italian, baby. Italian, black, it's all the same thing: gold chains, big аssеs and Cadillacs.
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I knew there were no weapons of mass destruction. Sh*t, I saw more in Charleton Heston's basement than I did when I was over there -- I don't give a dамn.'
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I like immigrants 'cause they really appreciate America. They get here; they happy. They look up at the buildings like, 'Wow! It's beautiful.' And we're like, 'You like it? Good. You gonna clean the bathrooms.'
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