News & Politics

The President was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President Suскs." Infuriated, he called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.
"The bad news is that the urinе is from the Vice President."
"Al? How could you do this to me? What could be worse than this?"
"The handwriting''s the first lady''s."

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News and Politics Jokes

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"
Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

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State Slogans:
Alabama: At Least We're Not Mississippi
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing
California: As Seen on TV
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: Without Atlanta We're Alabama
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death to Mainland Sсuм, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... OK, Maybe Not, But The Potatoes Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: 5 Million People; Seven Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not All Drunк Cajuns
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: A Thinking Man's Delaware
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's
Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies and Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whоrеs and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want a F**kin' Motto? I Got Yer F**kin' Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney...
North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really are One of the 50 States!
Ohio: We Wish We Were In Michigan
Oklahoma: Like the Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl - It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not Really An Island
South Carolina: We Have Never Actually Surrendered to the North
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: A Whole 'Nother Country!
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family - Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut Our Cheese
Wyoming: Wynot?

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News and Politics Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

Q: Mississippi gave Missouri a New Jersey, so what did Delaware?
A: I don't know, Alaska.

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News and Politics Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

What's Irish and comes out in the spring?
Paddy O'Furniture!

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News and Politics Jokes

"My uncle ran for Senate last year."
"Really? What does he do now?"
"Nothing. He got elected."

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News and Politics Jokes

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling, "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"

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News and Politics Jokes Animal Jokes

These three men were stranded on an island:
a Nefoundlander, a Cape Bretoner and a Quebecian. The three searched the island to try to find a way off when the Nefoundlander came upon a lamp with a genie. The genie poped up and said,
"I will grant three wishes, so that's one for each of you." So the Newfoundlander goes, "Well I wish I was back in Newfoundland." So рuff , he was sent to Newfoundland. Then the Quebecian jumps up and says me next me next, I know exactly want I want. The Quebecian says, "I would like to build a wall. I want this wall to be 1000 feet high and I want it to surround Quebec, so that nothing can get in and nothing can get out, and I want to be in Quebec."So the genie says okay and builds the wall, and now Quebec is officially separate from the rest of Canada and the Quebecian is back there. So now the Cape Bretoner gets up and says, "Tell me more about this wall." So the genie tells him, "This wall is 1000 feet high and surrounds Quebec and noting can pass in or out of Quebec." So the Cape Bretoner says, "Okay. Fill it with water."

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News and Politics Jokes

Sleeping Beauty, Hercules and Don Juan are sitting around a table discussing who the best person in the world is. Sleeping Beauty claims that she is the best because she is the most beautiful person in the world.
Hercules claims that he is the best because he is the strongest person in the world.
Don Juan claims that he is the best because he has loved the most women in the world.
So they decide to go speak to the wise man and see who is the best. They agree to go in alone so as not to be embarassed in front of the others.
Sleepy Beauty goes in first and came out smiling. She says that she truly is the most beautiful person in the world.
Hercules goes in next and also came out smiling. He says that he truly is the strongest person in all the world.
Don Juan goes in last but when he comes out he is very angry and confused. He exclaims,''Who the hеll is Bill Clinton?!?''

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News and Politics Jokes American Presidents Humor

A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"
All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.
After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

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News and Politics Jokes

Joke from our friends in India...
Once as Laloo was coming out of airport, there was huge rush and the security guard told him, "Wait Please."
To which Laloo replied, "65 kgs," and moved on.

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News and Politics Jokes Aviation Jokes

What do you get when you cross a Chinese and a Mexican man?
A car thief who can't drive!

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A GOOD ONE... enjoy.
There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning at 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. Why the death? So the doctors decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil........ Just when the clock struck 11....
Scroll down for what happened...
Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.

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News and Politics Jokes Nurse jokes

Why do they call camels 'ships of the desert'?
Because they are full of Arab sемеn.

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Have you seen the hottest new Catholic роrn film?
It's 10 minutes of sеx and 50 minutes of guilt.

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News and Politics Jokes

Q: What do you get when you have 50 lеsвiаns and 50 congressmen in one place?
A: A roomful of people who don't do diск.

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News and Politics Jokes

A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money."
The man replied, "You cannot do this - I'm a United States congressman!"
The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"

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A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."
So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, ''I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sеx like a great desert camel.''
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sеx hero he was. The husband asked the man, ''How could sandals make you into a sеx freak?''
The Pakistani man replied, ''Why don't you try them on and see for yourself?''
After much badgering from his wife, the husband finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years, her husband was full of raw sеxuаl power.
In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and started tearing at the guy's pants. All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, ''YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET! YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!''

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A Frenchman and an Italianwere seated next to an Englishman on an overseas flight.
After a few cocktails, the menbegan discussing their home lives. "Ah, last night I madelove to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made mea wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man." "Once," hereplied. "Don't stop."

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News and Politics Jokes

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
Job opening!

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News and Politics Jokes Office and Work Jokes Life Jokes