One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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I love to eat. Thats why I got so fат; I love to eat. If I dont walk away from a meal hurting, I didnt do it right. If I dont walk away from Thanksgiving dinner feeling like Ive been turkey-f**ked in a gingerbread prison, I didnt do it right.

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“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence.” — Erma Bombeck “An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” — Irv Kupcinet “Growing up, Christmas was always about me, and eventually you, when I finally started to enjoy the giving part. But Thanksgiving is always about us.” — Rosecrans Baldwin My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes ... but I told them I couldn't quit "cold turkey."
"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.” — Oprah Winfrey If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet. What does Thanksgiving have in common with Halloween? Gobble-ins! Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play. Why did the turkey play the drums in his band? Because he already had drum sticks! “If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get.” — Frank A. Clark If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims! “Real ballplayers pass the stuffing by rolling it up in a ball and batting it across the table with a turkey leg.” - Tom Swyers “I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.” - Robert Brault

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A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin.
At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again.
The teacher says, "What are you doing?"
He says, "Checking my answers."

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Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

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It was the middle of the night. Suddenly there was a loud rapping on the doctor's door, followed by a groan.
The doctor angrily тhrusт his head out of the window. "WELL?" he shouted.
"No," moaned the man. "Sick."

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The manager who couldn't afford new pens obviously didn't have a Bic budget.

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“What happened to the rich guy with the double сhin? He made a four сhin.”

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Why did the Blonde cross the road? Who cares, what the hеll is she doing out of the kitchen!

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Jeff: I had grandparents that were well into their 80s and still were having fun.
Walter: Their 80s? The hеll kind of sеx is that? Was it good for you? I dont remember. It was three minutes ago!, Who are you?!?.

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The government bill to ban alcohol was met by a chorus of вооzе.

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A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him, "Don't waste your time on that one. She's a lеsвiаn." The blonde goes over to her anyway and says,
"So which part of Lesbia are you from?"

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Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? So her male would get delivered to the right box. Submitted by Calamjo Edited by Tanyilazing

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Mother: Now, Little Johnny, eat your spinach. It’s good for growing children.
Little Johnny: Who wants to grow children?

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Whenever I shred fruit, I do so with grate a plum.

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I recovered my stolen car using the serial number and I feel VINdicated.

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Justin Timberlake's concerts feature everything but the kitsch ‘N Sync.

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A very small boy was trying to lead a big St. Bernard up the road.
"Where are you taking that dog, little man?" asked a man watching the struggle.
"I"m going to see where he wants to go," was the breathless reply.

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Any plans to float a common currency are eurozoneous.

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