One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Mother: Now, Little Johnny, eat your spinach. It’s good for growing children.
Little Johnny: Who wants to grow children?

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Whenever I shred fruit, I do so with grate a plum.

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I recovered my stolen car using the serial number and I feel VINdicated.

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A very small boy was trying to lead a big St. Bernard up the road.
"Where are you taking that dog, little man?" asked a man watching the struggle.
"I"m going to see where he wants to go," was the breathless reply.

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Any plans to float a common currency are eurozoneous.

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The man who hated fake politeness was so renowned, when he died they preserved him in formality hide.

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SCUBA enthusiasts. Now there's a divers group of people.

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“The butcher asked if I wanted my meat measured in pounds or kilograms. I said either weigh would do.”

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Our high school coach got caught with метh at a game. And he told the school that he had bought it, but never used it. Ive never bought drugs and not used them. Right? Theyre not condoms.

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A blonde was filling out a job application form. She quickly filled out the columns entitled: Name, Age, Address, etc. Finally, she came to the column: Salary Expected. She wrote, "YES."

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"You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.'" -- Craig Ferguson

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What's the difference between a skunk in the road and a lawyer?
The skid marks are before the skunk and after the lawyer.

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“Sawbones is what happened when the doctor looked at the X-ray.”

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A witness was called to stand to testify about a head-on automobile collision.
"Whose fault was this accident?" the lawyer asked.
"As near as I could tell," replied the witness, "they hit each other at about the same time."

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How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.

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Did you hear why they closed the Kingdome?A: While the crowd was doing the wave, two blondes drowned.

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People with bad handwriting are actually more intelligent. They tend to be very no legible.

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Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby."This," she said,
"I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

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