Dog dictionary
A.
Toilet bowl: A heavenly dispenser of nice, fresh water.
B.
Hearing: A variable skill.
Its intensity depends on whether it applies to a fridge door opening half a mile away behind three closed doors, or whether your own name is being shouted in an angry way or in a way that threatens Vet (see Vet).
C.
Garbage bin/bag: Source of food.
Spread contents over as wide an area as possible.
D.
Drooling: When humans are eating, drooling can be a very effective food-producing skill.
For best results, drool must be gotten onto the humans’ trousers/skirt.
Use also for fun – when driving in a car with humans, place head between two humans in the front seat.
Drool gently and in great volume on their arms/shoulders.
Rejoice at effects.
E.
Resting place: Anything, really.
White, freshly vacuumed surfaces with good capacity for getting hair stuck to it are best.
F.
Sofa: See resting place.
Also serves as napkin after particularly satisfying meals (see Roadkill).
G.
Vet: Sатаn, the Destroyer of Worlds, Bringer of Woe, Remover of Testicles.
H.
Leash: A device allowing you to lead your human to a place you desire.
Excellent for muscle-building exercise.
I.
Bicycle: Very good cardio equipment.
If you find the exercise/the rider too slow for you, you can increase its speed by running even closer to the vehicle and barking.
It will pick up its pace very satisfyingly.
J.
Fireworks: A sure sign that the world as we know it is coming to an end and the reign of Vets (see Vet) is beginning.
K.
Sniffing: A polite way of showing interest in the creature you are meeting.
With dogs, rестаl area is best.
When meeting humans, sniff the crotch.
L.
Roadkill: One of the most universal items you can find.
Can be used as food, deodorant or toy.
