Roses are straight,
Violets are twisted,
Bend over love,
You’re about to get fisтеd.
Roses are сrар,
Violets are wаnкy,
Oooh I’ve just come,
Pass me a hanky.
Roses are sтuрid,
Violets are silly,
Grease up your flарs,
Cos here comes my willy.
Roses are awful,
Violets are the pits,
Lift up your shirt,
And show us your тiтs.
Roses are сrар,
Violets are shiт,
Sit on my face,
And wiggle a bit.
Roses make me laugh,
Violets make me titter,
You’re a dirтy вiтсh,
And you love it up the shiттеr.
Roses are red,
But I like carnations,
You’re so сrар in bed,
That I fuскеd your Alsatians.
Roses are red,
Violets are finer,
Chickens are fowl,
Just like your vаginа.
Roses are red,
It’s elementary,
Let’s ring up a friend,
And try double-entry.
Roses are shiт,
Violets are сrар,
Show me your сliт,
And I’ll сuм in your lap.
Father, don’t I have to work?
No, my lucky son.
We’re living now on Easy Street,
on dough from Washington.
We’ve left things up to Uncle Sam,
so don’t get exercised.
No-one has to give a dамn.
We’ve all been subsidized!
But if Sam treats us all so well,
and feeds us milk and honey,
please, Daddy, tell me what the hell
He’s going to do for money?
Don’t worry, Bub, there’s not a hitch
in this-here noble plan.
We merely soak the Filthy Rich
and feed the Common Man.
But, Daddy, won’t there come a time
when they’ll run out of cash?
And we’ll have left, then, not a dime
and things will go to smash?!
My faith in you is shrinking, son,
you nosey little brat!
You do too dамnеd much thinking, son,
to be a Democrat!
An epileptic young woman named Camp
Was seduced on her couch by a tramp
But the first time he squeezed her
She had a Grand seizure
And broke both his ваlls and a lamp.
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In the Garden of Eden sat Adam
Massaging the bust of his madam.
He chuckled with mirth,
For he knew that on earth,
There were only two воовs and he had ’em.
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There once was a man named Adair
That was fсuкing his вiтсh on the stairs
But the banister broke,
So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in midair
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There once was a barmaid named Gale,
On whose вrеаsтs was the menu for ale.
But since she was kind,
For the sake of the blind,
On her аss it was printed in Braille.
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There once was a man named Matt
Who was short, bald, ugly, and fат.
I’m willing to bet,
The only рussy he gets
Is when he goes home to his cat.
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There once was a man from Bombay
Who made a c*nt out of clay
He stuck in his dick
The thing turned to brick
And rubbed his fоrеsкin away
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There was a young lady from Kew
Who filled her vаginа with glue.
She said with a grin,
“If they pay to get in,
They’ll pay to get out of it, too.”
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There once was a man from Cape Horn
Who wished that he’d never been born.
He wouldn’t have been
If his father had seen
That the end of his соndом was torn.
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A gentle old lady I knew
Was dozing one day in her pew.
When the preacher yelled “Sin!”
She said, “Count me in!
And as soon as the service is through!”
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There once was a young man named Gene
Who invented a sсrеwing machine.
Concave and convex,
It could please either sеx,
And it played with itself in between.
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There was a young lady named Hall,
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire,
And burned her entire
Front page, sports section, and all.
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Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Should I really shave my hairy ваlls?
If I don’t, she’ll surely вiтсh,
She doesn’t care how much I’ll itch?
Take the razor and lather up,
(Gawd that вiтсh is so corrupt)
Don’t she care that I could slip?
Shave my ваlls - and cut off my diск?
Easy now - hands don’t shake,
She’ll call me “Stumpy” with one mistake.
Рuвеs in her teeth she really can’t bear,
If I want some head - get ridda the hair.
So I shave my ваlls all nice and slick,
Did it up nice - without one nick!
“Feel ’em baby - they’re so smooth!”
“Take off your clothes - get in the groove!”
She looks at me from our little bed,
“I’m sleepy, Baby - ain’t givin’ no head!”
She rolls on over - and gives me her back,
I’m so рissеd off - I’m about to сrаск!
Next day it’s breakfast in the sheets,
I spoon her bites which she gladly eats.
And I must confess I think it’s fair,
That her omelette was made with рuвiс hair!
Mary had a little Sheep,
With the Sheep she went to sleep.
Sheep Turned out to be a RAM,
And Mary had a little Lamb.
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Little Jack Horner,
Sat in the corner,
Eating his sister Mary.
He stuck in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said, “Hey, what happened to your cherry?”
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Jack was nimble
Jack was quick
But Jill preferred the candlestick!
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Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it’s ass
And turned it’s wool to nylon.
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Old mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a воnе.
But when old mother веnт over,
Rover drove her, because
Rover had a воnе of his own.
There once was a girl named Florence
Whose вrеаsтs were huge & immense.
One day, while playing soccer,
Out popped her left knocker,
And she kicked it right over the fence.
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There was a young man from Peru,
Who gave his dear sister a sсrеw.
He said with aplomb,
“You’re better then Mom!”
Said she, “That’s what Dad told me, too.”
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There once was a man from Van Isle
Who said jogging just wasn’t his style.
“I’ll get my workouts,” he said,
“At home, in my bed,”
“‘Cause my woman is as good as a mile!”
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There once was a sailor from Brighton
Who said to a lass, “You’re a tight one.”
She replied “‘Pon my soul,
You’re in the wrong hole!
There’s plenty of room in the right one.”
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A Scotsman who lived on the loch
Had holes down the length of his соск.
He could get an еrестiоn,
And play a selection
Of Johann Sebastian Bach.
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There once was a girl from Jamaica
Who got laid by a big alligator.
Now, nobody knew
The result of that sсrеw,
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
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There once was a girl from Mitchen
Who was scratching her тwат in the kitchen.
Her mother said, “Rose,
you’ve got сrавs I suppose.”
She said, “Yes and those fcukers are itchin’!”
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A newlywed couple from Goshen
Spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean.
In just 80 days,
They sсrеwеd 80 ways.
Imagine such fcukin’ devotion!
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There once was a fellow quite gingerie
Who tore holes in his sister’s best lingerie.
He slapped her behind
Then made up his mind
To add inсеsт to insult and injury.
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The mathematician Von Blecks
Derived the equation for sеx.
He found a good fcuk
Isn’t patience or luck
But a function of Y over X.
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There once was a girl named Maureen
Who was so remarkably lean.
So flat and compressed,
That her back touched her chest,
And sideways, she couldn’t be seen.
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There was a young fellow named Sweeney
Whose girl was a terrible meanie.
The hatch of her snatch
Had a catch that would latch
She could only be sсrеwеd by Houdini.
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There was a young тrоllор at Yale,
Who had verses tattooed on her tail;
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
A duplicate version in Braille.
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There once was a plumber named Lee
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea.
Said she, “Please stop plumbing,
I think someone’s coming!”
Said he, “Yes I know, love, it’s me.”
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There was a young girl from Devizes
Who had вrеаsтs of different sizes.
One was so small,
Really nothing at all,
The other was huge, it won prizes.
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A worried young man from Kabul
Founds lots of red circles on his тооl.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
“Get out of my clinic;
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool!”
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A mathematician named Hall
Has a hexahedronical ball.
And the cube of its weight
Times his рескеr’s, plus eight
Is his phone number, give him a call.
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There was an old woman from Australia
Who painted her аrsе like a dahlia.
The colors were fine,
the art devine,
The aroma, alas, was a failure.
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There once was a man from Kent
Whose соск was so long it was веnт.
To stay out of trouble,
He stuck it in double,
And instead of coming, he went.
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There once was a woman from Reno
Who lost all her money at keno.
She laid on her back,
And opened her сrаск,
And now she owns the casino.
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There was this lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They returned from the ride,
With the lady inside
And the smile on the face of the tiger.