In Soviet Russia, an American spy tries to blend in… …. ….
George Keats had trained 20 years for this moment. He had mastered the Russian language in its native accent. He learned all of Russia’s customs and social graces. He had memorized Moscow street maps and knew every back-alley there was. He swore that he could even think like a Russian. …
…
The big day finally came, and he was parachuted into the outskirts of Moscow at night. He emerged by daybreak, and hopped onto a bus going to the city center.
“Comrade. How much for a ticket to Red square?”, he asked the conductor in authentic Russian.
“5 Rubles, Comrade American”, came the reply.
Keats was stunned. Perhaps the conductor was just being a smart-аss. He hopped off the bus and asked a passerby for directions to the closest bar.
“It’s just around the block, Comrade American.”
Keats’ doubts grew immensely. Not knowing what to do, he went inside the bar and ordered a glass of Vоdка. …
“Want some Borscht to go with it, Comrade American?”, the bartender asked.
Keats threw a fit. “What’s the matter with you people? I dress just like you, I speak just like you, I even THINK just like you! Why does everyone keep calling me American?”
“Well Comrade, it’s because you’re black.”
INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.
PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
You don’t have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, France for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment. You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.
AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the соw drops dead. You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind. You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.
FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad.
ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.
SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary соw and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon соw images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of vоdка.
CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.
SRI LANKAN ECONOMICS
You have a соw and a bull, you let the соw be president and the bull be prime minister and let them blame each other for the state the country is in.
The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador.
For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.
On the final day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, “As your stay is coming to an end, it is time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette.”
“One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded - you spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger.”
This phased the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns, spun, and pulled the triggers.
Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief.
The African ambassador was much impressed with the couragous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year.
When the visit came, the African ambassador treated the Russian with all hospitality, until the final day of his stay.
Leading him to a private room in the palace, the African ambassador spoke, “Now it is time for you to sample our game, African roulette”.
So saying, he led the Russian into the room, the only occupants of which were six beautiful, nакеd women.
The African ambassador said, “These women are the most beautiful members of one of our tribes. Any one of them will give you a оrаl sеx - take your pick”.
The Russian was not entirely averse to this idea, but he couldn’t see the connection with Russian Roulette. He said, “Well, ok, great, but where’s the roulette part? Where’s the danger?”
With a big grin on his face, the African ambassador answered,”One of them’s a cannibal.”
A doctor from Israel says:
“In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man’s testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work.”
The German doctor comments:
“That’s nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person’s head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work.”
A Russian doctor says:
“That’s nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person’s chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work.”
The Australian doctor answers immediately:
“That’s nothing fellas, you’re way behind us….in OZ, …We grabbed a female spinster atheist, size 34-40-54, with ваlls, a wooden heart, speaks like a mortician, bobs her head like a chook, waves her hands like a ventriloquist, spends money like its going out of fashion…..and….we made her Prime Minster of Australia
and very soon …..the whole вlооdy country will be looking for work!!!!!!”
FEMALE GEOGRAPHY
- Between 18 and 25, a woman is like Africa : wild, naturally beautiful and full of mysterious, fertile deltas.
- Between 26 and 34, a woman is like America : well-developed and open for trade, especially for those with stacks of money.
- Between 35 and 44, a woman is like India : sensual, relaxed, in full bloom, aware of her beauty.
- Between 45 and 54, a woman is like France : deliciously mature, still a pleasant destination to visit.
- Between 55 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia : a lost war, haunted by the mistakes of the past. Major reconstruction work is mostly the only answer.
- Between 61 and 65, a woman is like Russia : vast, with undefined frontier. The cold climate puts off any potential visitors.
- Between 66 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia : a glorious past, great conquests, but without a future.
- After 70, a woman is like Afghanistan or the north pole: many know its whereabouts, but no-one dares to venture there…
MALE GEOGRAPHY
- Between 15 and 90, a man is like Zimbabwe or America : ruled by a diск…