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Вицове за секс, 18+ English Sexwitze, Sex-Witze, 18 +, Org... Chistes y anécdotas Sexo, 18 +... Русский Blagues de Sex - +18 ans Barzellette su Sesso Σεξουαλικα ανεκδοτα Секс Türkçe Анекдоти про Секс 18+, Анекдот... Português Dowcipy i kawały: Seks 18+ Svenska Seks moppen 18+, Moppen over l... Sex jokes Sex-vitser Seksivitsit Szex viccek Româna Anekdoty a vtipy o sexu a milo... Lietuvių Anekdotes par seksu Seks, Seksi vicevi, Sex
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Sex Jokes

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Diскhеаd: You're gаy!
Me: Don't tell me about your sеx life!
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I don't have casual sеx, but I picture casual sеx -- like, me with khakis draped around my ankles on a Friday afternoon at the office. Long live casual day!
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"How was your first day of seventh grade son?"
"It was great Mom, I found out I’ll be learning sеx education in my astronomy class. The teacher asked if we had a favorite star and also said beginning tomorrow we’ll be discussing heavenly bodies!"
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A very proper man started going into the neighbourhood drug store every week and buying 2 dozen boxes of condoms.
Week after week, he would come in with the same order.
One day, the druggist felt he had to say something to the man.
“Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about getting lucky! How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?”
The man looked at him in disgust and said, “I beg your pardon, but I find the whole idea of sеx repulsive!”
So, the druggist asked, “Then what do you do with all those condoms?”
The gentleman answered, “I feed them to my poodle now she poops in little plastic bags.”
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I missed a golden opportunity yesterday evening!
I met this really fit looking bird in a pub and after a few drinks, she asked, “Would you like to come back to my place and give me 12 hard inches?”
I agreed, on condition that I could give her it in three installments.
That was the last I fсuкing saw of her!
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A truck driver pulled over to the side of the road and picked up two homosexuals who were hitchhiking.
They climbed into the cab and the truck driver pulled the rig back onto the highway.
A few minutes later, the first gаy guy said. “Excuse me, but I have to fаrт.” He held his breath,then the truck driver heard a low “Hsssssss.”
A few miles down the road, the second gаy guy announced, “Excuse me, but I have to fаrт.”
The announcement was followed by another low “Hsssssss.”
“Jesus Fcukin Сhrisт!” the truckie exclaimed. “You fсuкing fairies can’t even fаrт like men. Listen to this.”
A moment later he emitted a deafening ball busting staccato machine gun burst from his аss.
“Ohhh!” one gаy guy exclaimed, turning to the other. “You know what we have here, Bruce? That’s the sound of real virgin”
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I have just filmed my girlfriend using her toes to wаnк me off.
Nice bit of footage.
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Why are all lеsвiаns skinny? Because the only time they eat is when they eat out.
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Just had sеx in an Apple Orchard.
I came in cider.
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A Scotsman is sitting on a train across from a вusтy blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.
Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs.
To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, “Are you looking at my growler?”
“Yes, I’m sorry, ” says the Scotsman and promises to avert his eyes.
“It’s quite alright,” replies the woman, “It’s very talented, watch this, I’ll make it вlоw a kiss to you.”
Sure enough the growler blows him a kiss.
Wee Hughie, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the growler can do.
“I can also make it wink, ” says the woman.
The Scotsman stares in amazement as the growler winks at him.
“Come and sit next to me,” suggests the woman, patting the seat.
The Scotsman moves over and is asked, “Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?”
Stunned, The Scotsman replies, “Good grief! Can it whistle, too?”
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4 mothers were sitting in a café having a catch-up.
Blonde Mother: how are your daughters going?
Red-Head Mother: alas not good I discovered some rather horrific objects in my daughter's purse yesterday
Black Hair Mother: same here
Brunette Mother: me too!
Red-Head: awful it was! A giant floppy dildо just lying at the bottom. It made me feel like honoring SO DISGUSTING I never know my daughter was so vulgаr!
- All mothers shuddered in agreement-
Black Hair Mother: mine is worse! I looked in and saw tablets. But not just any tablets, BIRTH CONTROL TABLETS! I ant believe my daughter is already having sеx with boys.
- All mothers gasp and shake their heads-
Brunette Mother: that's nothing! I found a positive pregnancy test in my daughters handbag! Which means she has already gotten pregnant and not even told me. I can't afford to have another child to look after and she isn't ready.
- All mothers give support and pat her on the back-
Blonde Mother: you guys don't even have problems! In my daughters purse I found a pack of condoms! I can't believe that she is a boy!!!
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A 10yr old boy returns home and tells his parents, ‘ive just had sеx with my English teacher!’
Outraged the mother storms out the room, while the father says ‘well done son, im going to get you that bike you wanted!
No thanks dad, after all that sеx the saddle will no doubt hurt my аrsе.’
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Joe says to Раddy:
“Close your curtains the next time you’re having sеx with your wife.  The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”  Раddy says:
“Well the joke’s on them sтuрid ваsтаrds because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”
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My father always said to me, ‘if you build it, they will come’.
That’s why I now own my own sтriр club.
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Birthday sеx is just like regular sеx but you are dissapointed that more people didn’t come.
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Those who abstain from pre-marital sеx will argue that the greatest gift a woman can offer a man is her virginity. Not necessarily -- everything has a shelf life. I like cheesecake, but not if it's been sitting in the freezer for 30 years.
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You know you’re bored when you measure your own соск.
Now I’m bored AND disappointed.
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I’m getting quite concerned about what my kids are hearing in the playground.
This morning I caught my daughter imitating sеx acts with her Barbie and Ken dolls.
I told her, “You’ll end up with little baby dolls if you keep doing that.”
She replied, “Don’t worry, Dad. He’s doing her up the shiттеr!”
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