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Вицове за секс, 18+ English Sexwitze, Sex-Witze, 18 +, Org... Chistes y anécdotas Sexo, 18 +... Русский Blagues de Sex - +18 ans Barzellette su Sesso Σεξουαλικα ανεκδοτα Секс Türkçe Анекдоти про Секс 18+, Анекдот... Português Dowcipy i kawały: Seks 18+ Svenska Seks moppen 18+, Moppen over l... Sex jokes Sex-vitser Seksivitsit Szex viccek Româna Anekdoty a vtipy o sexu a milo... Lietuvių Anekdotes par seksu Seks, Seksi vicevi, Sex
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Sex Jokes

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I was having sеx with a woman when her husband came home early.
She told me to use the back door and I’d have to be quick.
In retrospect I should have just left, but it’s not every day you get an offer like that.
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I apologised to my girlfriend last night for not being able to get an еrестiоn.
There were no hard feelings whatsoever.
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My girlfriend said that she wasn’t very comfortable performing оrаl sеx.
So I bought her a pillow to kneel on.
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The newlyweds were suffering from exhaustion and after an examination, their doctor advised, “It’s not unusual for young people to overdo things during the first weeks of marriage. What you both need is rest. For the next month I want you to limit your sеx life to those days of the week with an “R” in them. That is, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.”
Since the end of the week was approaching the newlyweds had no immediate difficulty following the medico’s orders. But on the first night of scheduled rest the young bride found herself eager as a веаvеr.
Hubby fell asleep, but she tossed and turned and finally nudged her spouse into partial wakefulness.
Expecting daylight, and confused with the darkness, he asked, “What day is it honey?”
She looks at him with a gleam in her eyes and says, “Mondray.”
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My wife could learn a lot from the family dog.
I mean, the way his face lights up whenever I offer him a воnе…
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I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked,
"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunк once and had sеx with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
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On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon,
“That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,” were televised to earth and heard by millions. But just before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark “good luck, Mr. Gorsky.”
Many people at nasa though it was a casual remark concerning some rival soviet cosmonaut however, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned armstrong as to what the “good luck, Mr. Gorsky” statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded.
Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
In 1938 when he was a kid in a small midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.
His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor’s yard by the bedroom windows.
His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky.
“Sеx! You want sеx?! You’ll get sеx when the kid next door walks on the moon!
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A father came in the bedroom to find his 13-year-old daughter smoking a cigarette. “My God! How long have you been smoking?” screams the father.
“Since I lost my virginity,” replies the girl. …
“You lost your VIRGINITY!!! When the hеll did this happen?” shrieks the father. …
“I don’t remember,” says the girl. “I was drunк out of my gourd.”
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$500 worth of condoms and lubricant were stolen overnight from a Sydney sеx shop.
Police described the thieves as slippery,well covered,hardened criminals.
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I’ve just got myself one of those hands free kits.
Or as most people call them, a “girlfriend.”
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The amount of time this video is taking to buffer, I’m not sure what will come first, 2017 or me.
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Dildо. The original selfie stick.
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We have a huge family. I’m surrounded by a wife, my children, father, mother, brothers, a sister, cousins, my in-laws… the whole nine yards. …
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But of all my relations, I like sеx the best.
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During passionate sеx with my girlfriend, the famous, heroic words were moaned: ‘You, make me feel, like a woman’.
I have no idea why I said it, it just felt right.
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“Can we have ‘Punctuation Sеx’ tonight?” I asked the wife.
“What do you mean, ‘Punctuation Sеx?” she queried.
“It’s where I put my semi in your colon …”
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I call my реnis ‘Maradona’.
After all, I can only score with my hand…
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My girlfriend’s pretty dumb, everything goes over her head.
Fortunately, so do both her feet. So we’re still good.
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“Sometimes I wonder if you even remember what my face looks like,”
Said my girlfriend’s тiтs.
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