Sex Jokes

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Bubba and Leroy were sitting on the front porch of a trailer house. Leroy says "Bubba, you and me are bestest buddies. If you was gone huntin and I had sеx with your wife and she had my baby, would that make us Kin Folk?" Bubba replied " I don't know Leroy, but it would dang shore make us even"

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Bob was scared of going in the shower alone so he asked his dad to go in the shower with him his dad said "yes but dont look down" when bob and his dad were in the shower bob looked down and said"whats that" his dad said "its just a snake" the next day bob asked his mum to go in the shower with him his mum said "yes but dont look up or down" in the shower bob looked up and said "what are they" his mum said "theyre headlights" so bob looked down and said "whats that" his mum said "its a bush" that night bob had a nightmare so he asked his parents if he could sleep in their bed they said "yes but dont look down" bob climbed into bed and looked down and said "mum turn the headlights on theres a snake going into a bush"

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My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him.
At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison

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Jack at the grocery store ask the lady to show him wear the cookies are. the lady takes him to the bathroom and takes off her shirt and вrа, and show her воовs. Jack said why you did you show me that, I wanted a bag of cookies I didn't mean those cookie. Then and the lady said then why didn't you say that you wanted the first cookie meaning not the second cookie meaning. Then Jack said why did you think I wanted to see your воовs in a grocery store.

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A man hires a hоокеr and they go back to his house. The man says I have never had a 69 before. The hоокеr says okay lets try that. they get into position and she farts. the hоокеr says o i'm sorry, i don't know whats gotten into me. she goes into the bathroom to freshen up. she comes out and gets into position and again she farts. she says sorry i don/t know whats gotten into me. Let me go freshen up . she gets into position again and she farts she says sorry let me go freshen up. The man says don't worry i don't want 67 more of those

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Роrnоgrарhy is what's going to save the 3D television market. The only thing we'll have to watch out for is the money shot. "Ahh did it get in my hair?"

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There were three women passing a forest and as they were walking, they saw a bare man stood behind a Bush. He was stood still and when they went up to up to the man, he quietly spoke. He said ' I am a vending machine' . With this, the first woman pulled his d*** and his handkerchief came off and the woman wore it. The second woman pulled his d*** and his glasses came off and she put them on. The third woman pulled his d*** and out came a white liquid all over her hands... She shouted ' Yay, shampoo!'

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Show me a man on a dry spell and I'll show you a room with a lot of empty bottles of hand lotion.

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So I'm walking around with a kidney stone in me the size of Utah. I'm trying to live my everyday life. But let's be honest, sеx with a kidney stone is less than satisfying. I had an оrgаsм and it felt like I was giving birth to a switchblade!

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Did you hear about the guy with French asthma?
He could only catch his breath in snatches.

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What did the battery say to the gynecologist? It's not the smell that bothers me, it's the discharge!

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Why is аnаl sеx like a microwave?
Both can brown your meat without cooking it

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If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after sеx, you don't deserve a f*cking sandwich.

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Sеx is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.

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Bernie and Jane are an elderly couple who have decided to get married late in life. While they have not yet been intimate, Bernie thinks it would be a good idea to know how Jane feels about this. He asks her about her desires regarding frequency of sеxuаl intimacy. Jane replies that she likes sеx infrequently. Bernie, being ever the optimist says,
"Is that one word or two?"

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How are sеx and bungee jumping related? When the rubber breaks, you're sсrеwеd!

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Why do I need to tell a joke to register as a sеx offender? Wait. Where am I?

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A surgeon went to check on his patient -- a pretty blonde -- after an operation. "You'll be fine," he said after checking her out.
"Doctor? I have kind of a personal question," she said.
"Certainly -- doctors are trained to be discreet. What's your question?"
"Well," she asked,
"How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sеx life again?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter, Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
"Well yes, you'll be fine!" he replied. "It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

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