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A woman decides to get a роrnо, so she goes to the store and picks one with a fairly dirтy title. When she plays the movie, the screen gets fuzzy and nothing is going on. When she calls the store about the movie, they ask her what the title was, and she says,
"Head Cleaner."

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Once upon a time, a doctor performed surgery on a young boy with an eye defect. After the surgery was done, he said to the parents, "
"Your son is going to be just fine. We graphed some skin from his sсrотuм to widen his lid. He should have 20/20 vision when he wakes up." The parents responded, "So his eye is going to be normal?"
"Well, like I said, his vision will be normal but he may be a little c*ck-eyed."

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What is a Yankee? Kind of like a quickie but you do it yourself.

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Girl:
"Can you use 'Mountain Dew' in a sentence?"
Guy:
"Yes, can I 'mount-ain dew' you?"

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Who's the most popular male at a nudist colony?
The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

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A 96-year old man is pleading with the doctor for a lower sеx drive. "Surely you're imagining things," says the doctor. "You're 96 years old. Isn't all the feeling for sеx just in your head?"
"Yes," replies the elderly man, "that's why I want you to lower my sеx drive to the place where it might do more good."

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A couple was creating new password and the girl said myboobsandhispenis and it replied sorry not long enough

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The overwhelming power of the sеx drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you.

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If sеx were fast food, you'd have an arch over your head.

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The other night I played sтriр poker with my old lady: she stripped and I poked her.

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Bubba and Leroy were sitting on the front porch of a trailer house. Leroy says "Bubba, you and me are bestest buddies. If you was gone huntin and I had sеx with your wife and she had my baby, would that make us Kin Folk?" Bubba replied " I don't know Leroy, but it would dang shore make us even"

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Bob was scared of going in the shower alone so he asked his dad to go in the shower with him his dad said "yes but dont look down" when bob and his dad were in the shower bob looked down and said"whats that" his dad said "its just a snake" the next day bob asked his mum to go in the shower with him his mum said "yes but dont look up or down" in the shower bob looked up and said "what are they" his mum said "theyre headlights" so bob looked down and said "whats that" his mum said "its a bush" that night bob had a nightmare so he asked his parents if he could sleep in their bed they said "yes but dont look down" bob climbed into bed and looked down and said "mum turn the headlights on theres a snake going into a bush"

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Johnny said I think my parents were making coffee last night,why asked Timmy, because I heard my mom screaming at my dad to give her the sugar

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Jack at the grocery store ask the lady to show him wear the cookies are. the lady takes him to the bathroom and takes off her shirt and вrа, and show her воовs. Jack said why you did you show me that, I wanted a bag of cookies I didn't mean those cookie. Then and the lady said then why didn't you say that you wanted the first cookie meaning not the second cookie meaning. Then Jack said why did you think I wanted to see your воовs in a grocery store.

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A man hires a hоокеr and they go back to his house. The man says I have never had a 69 before. The hоокеr says okay lets try that. they get into position and she farts. the hоокеr says o i'm sorry, i don't know whats gotten into me. she goes into the bathroom to freshen up. she comes out and gets into position and again she farts. she says sorry i don/t know whats gotten into me. Let me go freshen up . she gets into position again and she farts she says sorry let me go freshen up. The man says don't worry i don't want 67 more of those

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Роrnоgrарhy is what's going to save the 3D television market. The only thing we'll have to watch out for is the money shot. "Ahh did it get in my hair?"

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There were three women passing a forest and as they were walking, they saw a bare man stood behind a Bush. He was stood still and when they went up to up to the man, he quietly spoke. He said ' I am a vending machine' . With this, the first woman pulled his d*** and his handkerchief came off and the woman wore it. The second woman pulled his d*** and his glasses came off and she put them on. The third woman pulled his d*** and out came a white liquid all over her hands... She shouted ' Yay, shampoo!'

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Show me a man on a dry spell and I'll show you a room with a lot of empty bottles of hand lotion.

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