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Вицове за секс, 18+ English Sexwitze, Sex-Witze, 18 +, Org... Chistes y anécdotas Sexo, 18 +... Русский Blagues de Sex - +18 ans Barzellette su Sesso Ελληνικά Секс Türkçe Анекдоти про Секс 18+, Анекдот... Português Dowcipy i kawały: Seks 18+ Svenska Seks moppen 18+, Moppen over l... Sex jokes Sex-vitser Seksivitsit Szex viccek Româna Anekdoty a vtipy o sexu a milo... Lietuvių Anekdotes par seksu Seks, Seksi vicevi, Sex
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If someone told me 20 years ago that I’d someday be playing with my phone in the bathroom more than my реnis I would have laughed in their face.
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Why do men become more intellectual during sеx?
Because they’re plugged into a fuскing know-it-all.
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I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sеx object…
Hi.
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Oh Shiт -
A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, “How about a вlоwjов?”
“What! Are you crazy!”
“Don’t worry, it will be quick,” he ensures his girlfriend.
“No! Someone might see us…”
“It’s just a small вlоwjов,” he insists, “and I know you like it.”
“No! I said no!”
“Baby… don’t be like that.”
Suddenly, the girl’s younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks, “Dad says either you вlоw him, I вlоw him, or he’ll come downstairs and вlоw the guy himself… but for God’s sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom.”
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The teenage girl asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
Dad says “Ok, but you know what you’ll have to do for it”
So she starts to give him head but stops quickly and says “your diск tastes like sh1t!”
Dad says “oh, that’s right; your brother has the car!”
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If it weren't for women, I'd have all the men I need. I'd be Sheena, Queen of the Jungle. You'd be my loyal subject -- not for sеx, just to fetch me stuff. You could bring me food, 'cause if I'm gonna be the only woman on Earth, fат's coming back in style.
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These two poor kids go to a birthday party at a rich kid’s house. The kid is so rich that he has his own swimming pool and all the kids go in. As they’re changing afterwards, one of the poor kids says to the other one, “Did you notice how small the rich kid’s penises were?”
“Yeah,” says his mate, “It’s probably because they’ve got toys to play with.”
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Sеx discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
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My wife and I only smoke after sеx. I’ve had the same pack now for ten years and she’s up to three packs a day.
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Men approve of premarital sеx until daughters are born.
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A big army Colonel and a big Major ran into the arguments in the army Bar.
The Colonel says sеx is 90% work and only 10% pleasure. The Major argues the opposite: The sеx is 90% pleasure and 10% work.
They can’t agree and before they pull their guns on each other and shoot they found a lower ranked soldier doing janitorial cleaning around.
They summoned him and asked his opinion. The soldiers asked permission to speak freely. The big guns assured him he would go free.
He told them loudly, “Well, you ваsтаrds if you really want to know what I think then I’d say it’s all 100%pleasure and nothing but pleasure. If there was any work in it, you stinkers would have me doing it for you!”
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I was about to сrаск a joke about my sеx life. Then I figured it wouldn't ваng.
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I am too old to be sneaking into a вiтсh's house to have sеx with her son on a twin bed. Do you know how hard it is to have sеx on a twin bed? To try to keep your balance on a bed with some Star Wars sheets on it?
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I'd love to have some sympathy for what happened to Michael Kennedy, but I can't because sometimes bad things happen to bad people. When you get away with having sеx with your 14-year-old babysitter, maybe you should hide from God for a little bit. Don't go tempting him by skiing and playing football at the same time.
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Me: Say "I am a man" after everything I say.
Friend: Alright.
Me: You broke up with your girlfriend.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You decided to get drunк.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You went to the bar.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You found a hot chick there.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You invited her to your house and she said yes.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You both came into your room and had sеx.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: Next morning you wake up.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: And she says...
Friend: I am a man.
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A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sеx in quite sometime. She was afraid that there might be something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sеx therapist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr. Chang, the well known Chinese sеx therapist, so she did.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, “OK, take off all you crose.”
The woman did as she was told.
Now, get down and craw reery reery fass to odder side of room.”
Again, the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr. Chang then said, “OK, now craw reery reery fass back to me.”
So she did.
Dr. Chang slowly shook his head and said, “Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I ever see, dat why you not
Haf sеx or dates.” Confused, the woman asked, “Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what
Is Ed Zachary disease?”
Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eyes and replied, “Ed Zachary disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your аss.”
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Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sеx.
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A marriage guidance councillor asked my wife and I to describe our sеx life with a film title,
“Gone in sixty seconds, ” said my wife sarcastically,
“Enter the dragon, ” I replied.
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