Sick Jokes, Illness Jokes, Death Jokes

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Chuck Norris one put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.

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Why cant a T-Rex Clap
He’s Dead

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You should never try afgani wееd becuse people in afganistan get sтоnеd to death

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This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.

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What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.

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Doctor: you don’t have long to live. 10…
Patient: ten what? ten years, ten months?
Doctor: 9… 8… 7…

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When you die your voice gets added to the Big Ваng Theory laugh track.

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Time magazine has named “Ebola Fighters” the 2014 Person of the Year.
The Ebola fighters said they were honored to be chosen and look forward to the ceremony.
Then Time said, “Oh no, we’ll just mail them to you.”

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Tonight’s OCD meeting is on, off, on, off, on.

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I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

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I told the medium that my wife had died in a horrific traffic accident, when she’d walked out after we’d had a row.
For half an hour we sat there in silence, watching the ouija board.
“That’ll be £50 please,” she said.
“But nothings happened,” I replied.
“Well obviously, she’s still not talking to you,” said the medium, “Now, that’ll be £50.”

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Murdered for immortality. Received life sentence.

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My mum asked me to buy some flowers for my Grandad who recently got diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
Apparently buying a bunch Forget Me Not was insensitive.

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The inventor of the urinаl deodoriser block has died.
Long may he rest in рiss.

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Cheer yourself up at the next funeral you go to by hiding a tenner in your black suit today.

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I really hate having bi-polar, it’s brilliant!

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Don’t wait until you’re on your deathbed to tell people how you really Feel, because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.

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“Good morning, class. Today we are going to learn about diseases. Can anyone give me a sentence containing the word ‘cancer’?”
“I can, Sir!”

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