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For years my wife battled terrible bullying because of her huge ears, and last night she finally could take no more and tried to кill herself.
Luckily, her head wouldn’t fit in the oven.
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Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Tough question.
Which came first, that ugly bloke’s nice car or his fit girlfriend?
Not so tough.
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They say one is the loneliest number, they are wrong
My phone number is the loneliest number
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Yesterday I was at the hairdresser to cut my hair.
The cutting of the hair costs 3 Euros but I had only 1 Euro.
So I have asked the hairdresser if she will cut my hair also for 1 Euro?
She said yes, so I was glad.
Ok, it is not perfect, one side of my head is cut a little bit more than the other one, maybe I look a bit weird, but nobody is perfect.
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I met a girl last night who was so ugly, even a sniреr wouldn’t take her out.
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My son asked me if he could borrow my torch because he was going out on a date. I said to him
“I never used to take a torch on my dates when I was your age”.
He said,
“I know look what you ended up with”.
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Bob is sitting on a train staring dreamily at the guy across from him.
“Hey,” says the guy, “why are you staring at me?”
“Whether you believe it or not,” says Bob, “you are the spitting image of my wife. Except for the beard.”
“I don’t have a beard,” says the guy.
“No, but the wife does.”
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You know you’re an ugly chick when you slip Rohypnol in your own drink and hope for the best.
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I said to my wife: “You’re like soap.”
“Aww. Is that because I smell nice?”
“No. You should avoid contact with the eyes.”
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I was such an ugly baby that when my parents put me up for adoption, the RSPCA turned up to collect me.
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I’m not saying my wife is ugly, but I always sit on my hand first before fingеring her, just so it feels like someone else is doing it.
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Why are there so many beautiful women in Scandinavia?
Because the Vikings left all the ugly fuскеrs in Scotland.
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If being ugly was a сriме u would get a life sentence
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At a Whitehouse party for past presidents.
Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha.
Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."
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Yo Momma is so ugly that she scares blind people!
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Yo mama so ugly, even goldfish don't smile back.
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Last night on stage at the sтriр club was the ugliest dancer I’ve ever seen.
She danced up to me and said “Hey Handsome, what would you like me to take off first?”
I said “My glasses.”
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I was arguing with the wife over the bank statement.
“Just look at this” she said, “You spent £20 on Вееr”
“Well you spent £40 on make up” I replied.
“That’s so I can look young and beautiful for you” she said.
I shouted back, “That’s what the fuскing Вееr was for”
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