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Ugly Jokes

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I wish I could be ugly for one day. … …
Being ugly every day suскs.
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Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says:
"We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says,
"Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!"
The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.
The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sеxy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
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A guy goes into this bar, sits down and orders a drink.
While waiting, he sees a guy sitting at the bar who has a very big muscular body but a little tiny head.
So, he asks the guy, "How is it that you have such a huge body and a small head?"
The guy replied, "I was walking along the beach one day and I came across this bottle buried halfway in the sand. So I picked it up, brushed away the sand, and out popped this fine female genie. She said she would grant me three wishes for releasing her."
"For my first wish, I asked for ten-million dollars, and РООF right there on the sand was $10,000,00."
"For my second wish, I asked for a luxury yacht, and РООF right there on the ocean was a 90-foot yacht."
"Finally for my third wish, I asked to have sеx with the genie, but she said that genies were not allowed to indulge in that kind of activities."
So, I said, "c'mon, how about a little head?"
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- Мамо -Maman je suis moche ? - Je t'ai dis tu m'appelles pas maman en public !!
Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?"
Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
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Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her for Halloween!
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Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?
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Your momma is so ugly when she gets her beauty sleep she falls into a coma!
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Yo mama so ugly when she went to sleep Freddy Krueger was scared of her.
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I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
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Yo mama so ugly when she looked at the sun, it turned nighttime.
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Two blondes were talking together:
First: "How about your engaged Jim? Is he keeping well?"
Second: "He isn't just now my engaged."
First: Hi good news. His nose was too big and his head was bald with an ugly face!"
Second: "He is now my husband!"
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Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, "Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?"
"Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready."
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Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
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Yo' Mama is so nasty, her armpits look like she's got Don King in a headlock.
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Your mama is so ugly that I guess you can say that the genes passed down.
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Yo mama so ugly, Instagram tagged her selfies 'explicit content'.
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Yo mama so ugly when she auditioned for a horror movie they sent her to a professional!
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Yo mama's so ugly that slender-man ran from her.
She's also the reason why slender-man doesn't have eyes.
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