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Вицове за USA English Amerikaner-Witze, Amerika Witz... Español Анекдоты про США Français Barzellette su Americani, Barz... Ελληνικά Амерички Türkçe Анекдоты про США Português Polski Svenska Nederlands Dansk Norsk Amerikkalaisvitsit, Amerikkala... Amerika viccek Româna Čeština Lietuvių Latviešu Hrvatski
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Two men, an American and an Indian were sitting in a bar and discussing about their family problems..
The Indian man said to the American, 'We have problem in India we can't marry the one whom we love, You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a lot of family problems.
The American said, talking about love marriages... In America We can marry the one whom we love. I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.
The Indian fainted........!
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A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down.
"No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power.
Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we have no power. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane."
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A married couple touring Israel sat outside at a Bethlehem sidewalk cafe, waiting for their friends. A peddler approached them, his arm loaded with belts.
After an impassioned sales plea yielded nothing, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied.
Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded, “She’s not from the States.”
“Yes, I am,” said the wife. He pointed to her husband and asked her, “Is he your husband?”
“Yes.”
“Mister, I’ll give you a hundred camels for her.” The husband sat for a long, stunned silence before he replied, “She’s not for sale.”
After the salesman left, his indignant wife asked, “What took you so long to answer?”
He replied, “I was trying to figure out how I could get a hundred camels back to America!”
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Healthcare in America is too expensive, ain't it? It's too expensive for the average person. What if you below average with no insurance? You might as well call Dr. Kevorkian.
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Only in America ... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
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The president of Mexico back, in the 80’s, locked in the entire senate one good day.
“No one leaves till we have a solution to our crumbling economy!!”
3 days they discussed plans, but to no avail.
Finally, on day 4, one congressmen stands up and excitedly announces he has a plan!!!
“We’ll declare war on the USA.” he announced
“WHY would we want to do THAT?” asked the shocked president.
“Well,” explained the young man, “then they’ll invade us and we will become THEIR problem. We”ll be added to their welfare, the food stamps, the unemployment…see????”
The room exploded with men and women agreeing with the plan, but the President looked unconvinced…
“What is wrong with the plan?” asked the Vice president
“Well… it is all fine and good… but what happens if we win??
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What's the big deal about flag burning? I know it's a symbol of America. So what? So is apple pie -- my mother used to burn those all the time.
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Not saying I have a dark sense of humour, but if it went to America it would be shot for resisting arrest.
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First thing they said, 'Well, Tiger, you're the first African America...' He was like, 'Ah, ah ,ah, ah -- first of all, I'm not African American. I'm two-thirds this, a quarter of that, an eighth of this, a fifth of Irish.' I'm like, 'How many people was havin' sеx that night, Tiger?'
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I was playing pool with a black man in America today when he had to stretch across the table to рот a ball.
The police barged in to the place and shot him for resisting a rest.
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“Are you from America madam?”
“You think I am American just because I am a little overweight?”
“No madam, it’s because this is Tesco and we don’t sell guns.”
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People make it seem like looting is bad. Looting is not bad. America was formed by looting. Any Indians here? Course not! See what I mean?
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MAGA, Morons Are Governing America.
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Teacher: OK, Little Johnny, point to the USA on the map.
Little Johnny: OK!
Little Johnny points to the USA.
Teacher: Great job, Johnny! Now, who discovered the USA?
Little Johnny: I did!
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Last night I was going threw some paper work when I ran across my birth certificate.
Looking at the bottom of the certificate in fine print it read-- Made in the USA -- limited lifetime warranty.
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After a number of meetings and discussions, a blonde 18-year-old was dismissed from FFA, the Future Farmers of America group.
She couldn’t keep her calves together.
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Does anyone else get these little local Gazettes about what is happening in their subdivision or block or small town?
I was reading in one such newspaper about a 15 year-old blonde girl who was ousted from the local chapter of the Future Farmers of America.
She couldn’t keep her calves together.
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You got Hillary running for senate. Yeah, that's what America needs -- another white male senator.
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