And then there was this guy from New York City visiting down in Alabama. He stopped into a local bar and ordered white wine. The bartender told him, “You got two choices in this bar: Вееr or… вееr.”
….
“Okay,” the visitor replied, “I’ll have a вееr.”
…..
The bartender drew the вееr and set it in front of the visitor. “You’re not from around here, huh?” ….
…..
“No,” answered the visitor, “I’m from New York City.” ….
….
The bar went quiet. The bartender asked, “So what brings you to our parts?” ….
…..
“Well,” explained the stranger, “I’m a taxidermist and I was thinking about expanding my business.” ….
….
“What’s a taxidermist?” asked the bartender. …
…
“Basically,” said the visitor, “I mount and stuff wild animals.” ….
….
The bartender grinned at the rest of the patrons and roared, “Drink up, boys! He’s one of us!”
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.
He mentioned the trip to his barber who responded…
“Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?
It’s crowded and dirтy and full of Italians.
You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”
“We’re taking American Airlines,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”
“American Airlines?” exclaimed the barber.
“That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome?”
“We’ll be at the downtown International Marriott.”
“That dump? That’s the worst hotel in the city.
The rooms are small, the service is surly and they’re overpriced.
So, whatcha doing when you get there?”
“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.”
“That’s rich,” laughed the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him.
He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.”
A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut.
The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.
“It was wonderful,” explained the man, “not only were we on time in one of American Airlines s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class.
The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28-year-old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel - it was great! They’d just finished a $25 million remodelling job, and now it’s the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!”
“Well,” muttered the barber, “I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand!
I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.”
“Really?” asked the barber. “What’d he say?”
He said, “Where’d you get the сrаррy haircut?”
Two women decided to go out one evening, without their husbands. Laughing the entire evening away and finding that they had consumed entirely too much wine, they decided it was time to head home.
They were about halfway home when both ladies decided that they needed to find a bathroom quick. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. A little bit scared and tipsy, they decided they’d just have to stop there, as they couldn’t wait any longer.
Stumbling off the road into the cemetery they soon discovered they had no toilet paper or kleenex but the trip being an urgent one, they decided to ‘just make do’!
The first one decided to use her раnтiеs and then discard them. The second one had on new раnтiеs and not wanting to leave them behind grabbed a big ribbon from a floral wreath on the grave stone next to her.
The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one of them said to the other: “You know, we’ll have to keep a closer watch on our wives. It seems that those two were up to no good last night. My wife came home in the wee hours without her раnтiеs!”
The other one responded: “Well, you’re lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her вuтт that read: We will never forget you… The Carboni Brothers.”