A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”
“No more headaches?” the husband asks, “What happened?”
His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror,stare at myself and repeat
I do not have a headache;
I do not have a headache,
I do not have a headache.’
It worked! The headaches are all gone.”
“Well, that is wonderful,” replies the husband.
His wife then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?”
The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He puts her on the bed and says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, “Boy, that was wonderful!”
The husband says, “Don’t move! I will be right back.”
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
She’s not my wife.
She’s not my wife.
She’s not my wife!”
His funeral service will be held on Saturday.
First Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don’t really care for them.
4. Although they don’t really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really рissеd off if the woman leaves them.
7. Although the woman leaves them they still don’t learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.
Now Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, again they NEVER have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just ‘an old rag’.
6. Although their clothes are always ‘just an old rag’, they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don’t believe you
Florida’s Fugaway Indian Tribe (Short History of How they Got Their Name.)
The Fugaways (pronounced fuh-gah-weyz) were an Indian tribe who resided in central Florida and there is a legend as to how they got their tribal name. It is rumored that sometimes they got lost while hunting in the Florida forests and the swamps and wilderness.
Well, one afternoon, after the chief and his braves had been hunting all day, it was time to head back to camp. But where was camp? The territory they were in seemed foreign. The Chief led his band of warriors south a-ways … nothing. The chief led them west… just more wilderness.
Evening was coming and the chief didn’t want to look foolish in front of his braves who were веnт over carrying all the deer, turkey and alligator meat from the day’s hunt. Then wonder of wonders… a high hill! The chief took out his map and motioned to the braves to follow him up the hill. There was some grumbling, as their backpacks were heavy but they all climbed the hill.
The chief looked north: nothing but forest.
He looked east: no sign of wigwams or the Indian women tending the babies.
The chief looked south: no curls of smoke from the campfires.
He turned west: Just a vast swamp with alligators and large snakes.
Once again he looked at his map in frustration, then looked heavenward and raised his fists to the sky. Then he beat on his chest, yelling, “WE’RE THE FUGAWAY?!!”
Now if you’re re-telling this to an audience, the punch line sounds the best if you actually flail your fists on your chest to create a vibrato effect to your voice…
BTW, Historians haven’t told us if the chief and braves finally found their way back to camp, but they must have, or this little anecdote of history would never have been recorded.