There is a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Some of these are excellent ...
What is your date of birth?
July fifteenth.
What year?
Every year.
What gear were you in at the moment of the accident?
Gucci sweatshirt and Reeboks.
So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Yes.
And what were you doing at that time?
She had three children, right?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there any girls?
How was your first marriage terminated?
By death.
By whose death was it terminated?
Can you describe the individual?
He was about medium height and had a beard.
Was this a male, or a female?
Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
All your responses must be оrаl, OK? What school did you go to?
Oral.
Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
The autopsy started around 8:30 p. M.
And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.
What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
He said,
"Where am I, Cathy?"
And why did that upset you?
My name is Susan.
Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
No.
Did you check for blood pressure?
No.
Did you check for breathing?
No.
So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
No.
How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.” God replied, “I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things and the work needed is just too intensive. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.” The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said,
“God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
God replied:
“You want two lanes or four on that bridge…?”