Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with a man. He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always leading off with “Somebody’s gonna get it tonight!” In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet shop and explained her parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor.
“What you need,” he said, “is a female parrot too. I don’t have one on hand, but I’ll order one. Meanwhile, you could borrow this female owl until the female parrot arrives.”
Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her parrot. It was immediately obvious that the parrot didn’t care for the owl. He glared at it. That night, Marilyn wasn’t her usual nervous self as she opened the door to bring her gentlemen friend in for a nightcap. Then suddenly she heard the parrot screech and she knew that things hadn’t changed.
“Somebody’s gonna get it tonight! Somebody’s gonna get it tonight!” the parrot said.
The owl said, “Who? Who?”
And the parrot said, “Not you, you big-eyed Son of a Вiтсh.
Three women are seated in the doctor’s office waiting room one day.
The doctor calls the first one in. When he examines her, he sees a big “Y” on her chest. He asks, “Why do you have a big “Y” on your chest?”
She replies, “That’s from my boyfriend’s sweater. You see, my boyfriend went to Yale, and when we make love he likes to wear his Yale sweater.”
“I see,” the doctor says. He completes her examination and then calls in the next woman. When he examines her, he sees a big “H” on her chest.
Again, the doctor inquires about the letter. “How did you get a big “H” on your chest?” he asks.
The woman replies, “That’s from my husband’s sweater. He went to Harvard, and when we make love he likes to wear his Harvard sweater.”
The doctor nods his head and completes her examination. He then calls in the last woman. She also has a letter on her chest, a big “M.”
“Don’t tell me,” he says. “Your boyfriend went to Michigan!”
“No,” she says. “My girlfriend went to Wisconsin.”