Jokes about Women

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When women see me nакеd they often say I look like a Greek god. I think the gods name is Hermaphrodite.

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There was a question in my Biology test which asked us to, “Draw the female reproductive оrgаn.”
As the exam was progressing, I saw a girl look between her legs,
So I shouted at the top of my lungs, “Sir, she’s copying!”

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Being a guy i have always wondered what sеx must be like for a woman, but i suppose its like putting a cotton bud in your ear feels great, till he sticks it in too deep.

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How to fight against a women with a knife in 3 steps.
Step 1 - Get some bread.
Step 2 - Get some mayonnaise.
Step 3 - Tell her to make a sandwich.

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Q. What’s the biggest difference between men and women?
A. The phrase “I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film.” usually has a completely different meaning.

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My mate just rang me in tears…
His wife has left him, taken his prized Bob marley collection and the Satellite ďish.
Poor Ваsтаrd..
No woman, no sky…

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When Bruce Jenner was asked why he has become a woman he replied,
“Have you seen how much money those slаg daughters of mine make? ”

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Women think about sеx every 7 seconds. Just not with you.

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The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.

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When I got married, I disappointed a lot of women. Now I can pretty much concentrate on disappointing just the one.

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At night, when I'm dreaming and a nакеd woman approaches me in my dreams, I tell her I'm married. How sad is that? I can hear my subconscious yelling at me, 'Nail her! I set this all up for you, you idiот!'

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A teacher asks her students what religious objects they have in their homes.
One boy answers, "We have a picture of a woman with a halo holding a baby and every day my mother kneels in front of it."
The next little boy says,
"We have a brass statue of a man seated with crossed legs and a Chinese face, and every day my parents burn an incense stick before it."
Then a third boy pipes up, "In the bathroom we have a flat, square box with numbers on it. Every day my mother stands on it first thing in the morning and screams, 'OH MY GOD!!!'"

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My parents always taught me to chase my dreams but last night the police told me that stalking women is actually illegal and if they catch me again I could be sent to jail.

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Grandma said she was going to buy a dog to help fill the hole after Grandad died….. That woman is sick

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One by one, all of my best mates have started to become interested in men as well as women.
So I’m just sitting here, watching the world go bi.

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Three woman terrorists kidnapped three men and took them back to their secret hideout. The woman tied up the men and stood them against the wall. The leader of the terrorists said to the men ‘Here’s what will happen. You will each tell us what your jobs are and we will chop off your соск with accordance to the job.’
The first man was asked, ‘I’m a butcher.’ he replied. So his соск was sliced off.
The second man was then asked, ‘I’m a woodcutter.’ So his соск was chopped off.
The women came to the third man, who was laughing. ‘Why are you laughing?’ They asked.
‘I work in a lollipop factory.’

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10. A good вееr yields good head, but not all good women do.
9. You can share your вееr with your friends, but you really can’t share your woman with them.
8. You can hang out with your вееr all night, and chances are you will enjoy the conversation.
7. When you and a вееr are finished a new one is an arms reach away, when you and your woman are finished that arms reach will get you slapped.
6. Вееr tends to solve all the problems that women create.
5. If you feel the need to try new вееr, go down to the package store and look in the cooler and pick one. The only place I’ve been to where you can window shop for women is Amsterdam.
4. If you were to get into bed and find a cold вееr would you complain?
3. Not only will вееr not care if you spend the Sunday watching football, but chances are it was вееr who sponsered the game.
2. Even if you have poor eyesight, вееr improves your ability to spot attractive women.
1. Try finding the woman you want to come in groups of Six.

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A young couple lived in a town filled with сriме. After three neighbors had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog. Visiting the pet store, the young wife asked for a good guard dog.
"Sorry, we're all sold out," the clerk replied. "All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he does know karate!"
The woman didn't believe the clerk. The clerk said to the dog, "karate a chair." The dog broke the chair into pieces. Then he told the dog to "karate the table," and the dog quickly broke the table in half. So the woman bought the dog and took it home. Her husband was disappointed and skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog. The wife told him about the dog's excellent karate skills.
"Karate, my behind!" the husband replied sarcastically.
To this very day, he is still in the hospital.

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