A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said,
"I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said,
"As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother'? It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" He asked,
"I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.
A woman three months pregnant falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakes and asks the nearest doctor about the fate of her baby.
“You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine,” says the doctor. “Luckily, your brother named them for you.”
“Oh shiт, not my brother! He’s from Liverpool! What did he call the girl?”
“Denise,” the doctor replies.
Thinking that isn’t so bad, she asks, “and what did he call the boy?”
The doctor answers, “Denephew.”
One Sunday morning, the Lutheran pastor noticed Ollie standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The old Norwegian had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside Ollie, and said quietly, ‘Good morning Ollie.’
‘Good morning Pastor,’ he replied, still focused on the plaque. ‘Pastor, vat is dis?’ The pastor said, ‘Well, it’s a memorial to all the men and women who died in the service. Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Finally, Ollie’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, ‘Vich service, da 8:30 or da 10:45?
Doctor Simon is known throughout town as one of the best consultants on arthritis. He always has a waiting room full of people who need his advice and specialist treatment.
One day, Betty, an elderly lady, slowly struggles into his waiting room.
She is completely веnт over and leans heavily on her walking stick. A chair is found for her. Eventually, her turn comes to go into Doctor Simon’s office.
15 minutes later, to everyone’s surprise, she comes briskly out of his room walking almost upright. She is holding her head high and has a smile on her face.
A woman in the waiting room says to Betty, “It’s unbelievable, a miracle even. You walk in веnт in half and now you walk out еrест. What a fantastic doctor he is. Tell me, what did Doctor Simon do to you?”
“Miracle, shmiracle,” says Hetty, “he just gave me a longer walking stick
One day on his way to work, a man stopped at the cafeteria as it began to rain. Forgetting that he hadn't brought an umbrella, he reached for the nearest one when he got up to leave.
"That's my umbrella," a woman immediately scolded. Abashed at his mistake, he left and walked to his office. He was drenched by the time he arrived. Once there, he discovered three umbrellas that he had left in the office over the months, and he decided to bring them home at the end of the day.
That afternoon he ran into the same woman who had confronted him earlier. She looked at the umbrellas, then at him, and tartly remarked, "You did real well for yourself today, didn't you?"