A paperboy is doing his monthly round of collecting money from customers. One door is opened by a fairly sеxy, buxom woman, who is wearing a transparent lace negligee.
“Hi Missus I’ve come for the paper money, it’s $5 please.” says our boy, with his hand held out.
“I’m afraid I’ve no money in the house, ” the woman replies in a breathy voice, “but if you come in I’m sure I can think of something. . .”
So our lad goes in and the woman throws herself back on the fireside rug, pulling off the negligee, moaning “You can have ME instead. . .”
The kid sighs, takes off his bag, and then produces a diск that would be more in place on a stud bull. The woman is agog. Our lad then produces a load of big rubber rings from his bag, which he proceeds to stack around his giant кnов.
“What are they for?” asks the woman.
“Oh, they’re just to make sure I don’t go all the way in when I shаg you.” replies the boy.
“To hеll with them! implores the woman, “I’ll take all of you!”
Our lad replies. . .
“Not for five fсuкing dollars you wont!”
A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter.
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him. “Irving, you know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!”
“Irving, remember that new car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!”.
“Irving, that emerald necklace you promised me? I bought it, too, with the insurance money.” Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, “Irving, remember that вlоw job I promised you? Here it comes.
A man finds a bottle and opens it. A genie comes out.
The genie tells him, “By genie law I must give you three wishes, but after thousands of years of being in that bottle, I have become a very angry genie. You will still get your three wishes, but your worst enemy will get twice of whatever you wish.”
The man says, “First wish, I want 20 beautiful nymphomaniac women, all totally loyal to me, and willing to serve my every need.”
The genie replies, “Granted, but remember, your worst enemy gets twice that.”
The man says, “Second wish, I want a house with sеx themed rooms, stocked with the best sеxuаl toys in the world.”
The genie replies, “Granted, but remember, your worst enemy gets twice that.”
The man then says, “Third wish, I want to lose one nut.”
A pregnant woman walks into a bank, and lines up at the first available teller. Just at that moment the bank gets robbed and she is shot three times in the stomach. She was rushed to the hospital where she was fixed up. As she leaves she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor says, “Oh! You’re going to have triplets. They’re fine but each one has a bullet lodged in its stomach. Don’t worry though the bullets will pass through their system through normal metabolism.”
As time goes on the woman has three children, two girls and a boy. Twelve years later, one of the girls comes up to her mother and says “Mommy, I’ve done a very weird thing!”
Her mother asks her what happened and her daughter replies, “I passed a bullet into the toilet.” The woman comforts her and explains all about the accident at the bank.
A few weeks later, her other daughter comes up to her with tears streaming from her eyes. “Mommy, I’ve done a very bad thing!” The mother says, “Let me guess. You passed a bullet into the toilet, right?”
The daughter looks up from her teary eyes and says, “Yes, how did you know?”
The mother comforts her child and explains about the incident at the bank.
A month later the boy comes up and says, “Mommy, I’ve done a very bad thing!”
“You passed a bullet into the toilet, right?”
“No, I was маsтurватing and I shot the dog.”