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Вицове за Жени English Frauen-Witze, Frauenwitze, Fra... Chistes de Mujeres анекдоты про женщин Blague sur les Femmes Barzellette Donne Ανέκδοτα για γυναίκες Жени Kadın Fıkraları Анекдоти про Жінок Piadas de Mulher, Piadas de Mu... Dowcipy i kawały: Kobiety Skämt om kvinnor Vrouwen moppen Jokes om kvinder, Kvindehørm v... Vitser for damer, Vitser om kv... Naisvitsit, Naiset ratissa Viccek nőkről Bancuri Femei Anekdoty a vtipy o ženách a ma... Juokai apie Moteris Joki par sievietēm Vicevi o ženama
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Jokes about Women

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Two rabbis - one Reformed and the other Orthodox - were discussing their respective congregations one day.
The Reformed rabbi asked the Orthodox leader?
“Why don’t you let the men and women of your congregation sit together, as they do in my temple?”
The Orthodox rabbi - known for his sense of humor - replied, “If you want to know the truth, I don’t really mind them sitting together at all.
But, you see, my sermons aren’t that interesting and I just can’t have them sleeping together”.
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This guy went to see a highly recommend psychiatrist. The doctor showed the man an inkblot and asked,
"What does this remind you of?"
The guy replied, "A nакеd woman." Then the shrink showed the man another inkblot and asked the guy the same question. The guy responded, "A nакеd woman on a bed." This went on and on, inkblot after inkblot.
The psychiatrist finally said to the guy, "You are a sick pervert." The guy replied, "I'm not the pervert here. You're the one who keeps showing me all those dirтy pictures."
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A woman is paying for some purchases at Macy’s. As she reaches for her card, a TV remote control falls out of her purse. The sales clerk asks, “Do you always carry your TV remote?” “No.” the woman says, “But my husband refused to come shopping with me today. I figured this was a great way to pay him back.”
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A woman went to a market in Mexico and very loudly and obnoxiously demanded a half a melon. The clerk told her politely that the melons were only sold whole, but she continued to rant about only wanting a half melon. The clerk excused himself and went to the back of the store to talk to the manager.
Not realizing that the customer had followed him. He told the manager, “A loud, rude, and obnoxious woman wants me to sell her a half a melon.”
He instantly realized that the woman was right behind him, and quickly aded, “And this nice lady wants to buy the other half.”
The manager cut the melon in half, sold it to the woman and, as she happily left the store, he turned to the clerk and complimented him on his quick reactions and his calmness under pressure.
“I am opening another store in Veracruz and I think you would be the perfect man to manage the whole operation,” he told the clerk.
“Veracruz!” said the clerk, “Who would want to live in Veracruz? There is nothing there except baseball players and whоrеs.”
“My wife comes from Veracruz!” responded the boss.
“Oh” said the clerk. “And does your wife bat right-handed or left-handed?”
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A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so, a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from just in time to notice a young woman looking down.
"Is this yours?" he asked.
She said,
"Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.
On his arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. Because she was very attractive, he agreed.
Shortly afterward she said,
"I'm about to have dinner--there's plenty. Would you like to join me?"
He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal.
As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said,
"I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?"
The man hesitated then said,
"Do you act like this with every man you meet?"
"No," she replied. "Only those who catch my eye."
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A little boy named Charlie complains to his teacher, "I'm too smart for 1st grade!". The teacher then goes to the principal with Charlie. The principle first asks some questions:
3 x 3? 9
6 x 3? 18
6 squared? 36
The principal is impressed by Charlie's intelligence, and allows him to be in the 3rd grade. The teacher responds "HOLD THE DАМN PHONE!" and asks Charlie some questions.
What does a соw have 4 of that I only have 2?
Harry then says 'Legs'
What is in your pants that is not in mine?
'pockets'
What does a dog do that a man steps into?
'pants'
What goes in hard and comes out soft?
'bubble gum' (SHAME ON YOU!)
What does a man do standing up, a woman sitting down, and a dog on 3 legs?
'shake hands'
What word starts with F, has a U and C in it, and ends with a K that means heat and excitement?
'firetruck' (SHAME ON YOU!)
The Principal then says "fuск that, he can go to 5th grade, since I got the last 7 questions wrong.
(Shame on you!)
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While at the dinosaur exhibit in Disney’s Animal Kingdom park, I overheard a confused woman complaining to her friend.
She said,
"How could they possibly know the names of all those dinosaurs if they died 75 million years ago? And another thing, how do we even know they were called dinosaurs?"
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Man: He must be so happy!
Woman: Who?
Man: Your father.
Woman: Why?
Man: Because he gets to see an angel everyday.
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My mate told me of an embarrassing mistake he made at the airport a few weeks ago. The woman behind the desk had massive тiтs and through a slip of the tongue he said “Could I have two pickets to Titsburgh?”
I explained to him that it happens to me too, just this morning I meant to ask my wife to pass the salt and I said “ВIТСН YOU RUINED MY LIFE!”
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My wife told me I had a small реnis, so I said it was big enough to hurt her.
“There isn’t a woman in the world that would be hurt by that thing,” she said.
I then showed her a video of me fсuкing her sister.
“I’ve never been so hurt in all my life,” she said.
“Argument won,” I replied
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Two women are talking about marriage. One woman says:
“ I wonder if my husband will love me when my hair is gray.” “Why not? He’s loved you through three shades already.” Replied her friend.
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My wife is my best friend. I hang out with her all the time, which is good, but it's also kind of bad to have a woman as your best friend. It's been giving me an identity crisis and, worse than that, I'm pretty sure I've got a yeast infection.
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The name of this song is 'Things We Want to Know.' The first verse is things men want to know about women; second verse is things women want to know about men. Here are the guys:
'Why do you think you're so pretty? And why do you wear the раnтy hose? And why do you drink so much and don't have no money? And why do you mess with my stereo?' Here are the ladies:
'Why are all your friends so sтuрid? And why don't you wipe the toilet seat? Why is your fantasy to be with two women -- and you can't handle me?'
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A woman who had thrown a dinner party, at which raw oysters, curried lamb, and steamed mussels were all served, met her physician on the street the following day. “I’m sorry you weren’t able to come to my party last night,” she said. “You are so busy these days, and I think it would have done you some good to have been there.”
“Your party has done me good,” he said. “I’ve just seen five of your dinner guests.”
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I, my woman and my best friend were in the pub tonight and he said, “It looks like your main squeeze is developing a spare tire.”
I said, “Yeah, My guess is that it’s a P175/65R15.”
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Why do Jewish fathers have their sons circumcised?
They know Jewish women can’t resist anything with 10% off.
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I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born on just by feeling their вrеаsтs.
“Really?” she said. “Go on then… Try.”
After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.
“Come on,” she demanded, “What day was I born on?”
“Yesterday?” I replied.
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A woman went into a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a toaster because it didn't work. The cashier told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she bought it on sale. Suddenly the woman yelled, "Grab my вrеаsтs! Grab my вrеаsтs!"
The cashier didn't know what to do, so he called the store manager. The woman explained to the manager that she wanted to return the non-working toaster for a refund, and he confirmed that he couldn't give her a refund.
Once again, she yelled, "Grab my вrеаsтs! Grab my вrеаsтs!"
The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase. She replied, "I like my тiтs grabbed when I'm getting sсrеwеd!"
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