While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive pakistani women sat down next to Anant. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the anant turned to her and said,
"This is a special day. I'm celebrating."
"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.
"What are you celebrating?" he asked.
"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"Congratulations," the Anant said, lifting his glass.
"As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."
"How did it happen?"
"I switched соскs."
"What a coincidence," she said " I switched too"
Four southern ladies were sitting around having Вlооdy Marys and talking about how much their husbands loved them. The first one says,
"My husband loves me so much that he bought me a diamond ring." But, of course, she was in such a hurry she forgot her rings, but all the women still said,
"Oh, how nice." The second woman says,
"Well, my husband loves me so much he got me a fur coat." But it was the middle of July and too hot to wear a coat, but still all the ladies said,
"Oh, how nice." So then the third woman says,
"Well, my husband loves me so much he bought me a Mercedes-Benz." And, of course, she was being chauffeured in the family Buick." So they all looked at the fourth woman and said,
"Well, honey, how much does your husband love you?" She replied, "He loves me so much that he bought me lesson to a charm school so I could learn to say 'Oh, how nice' instead of sarcastically saying 'Oh, ya, right' after everything you ladies say."
White women
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grоре all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sеx, but only in the missionary position.
Irish women
First Date: You both get blind drunк and have sеx.
Second Date: You both get blind drunк and have sеx.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunк and have sеx.
Italian women
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mum makes spaghetti and meatballs.
Third Date: You have sеx, she wants to marry you and insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the thought of having sеx.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.
Jewish women
First Date: You get dynamite оrаl sеx.
Second Date: You get more great оrаl sеx.
Third Date: You tell her you’ll marry her and you never get оrаl sеx again.
Chinese women
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing hapens again.
Third date: You don’t even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen.
Indian women
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
Black women
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She’s pregnant by someone other than you.
Mexican women
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunк on tequila, and have sеx in the back of her car.
Second Date: She’s pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father’s girlfriend’s mother, her two cousins, her sister’s boyfriend and his three kids move in … and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.
The POINT?
Don’t you just love irish women?
The night before her wedding the mother takes her daughter aside. “Now, look,” she tells her daughter “Men are a little strange sometimes. If he ever tells you to turn over, I want you to get out of bed, pack your things and come home to me.”
So the couple gets married and everything is fine for a couple of years.
Then, one night, while they are in bed, the man says to the woman, “Darling, roll over now.”
Hearing this, she gets out of bed, puts her clothes on and starts packing her things. When she is ready to leave the confused husband says, “Honey, wait a minute! What’s the matter?”
Wiping her tears, she says, “My mother told me that men are a little strange sometimes and if you ever ask me to roll over, I was to get my things and leave you, and go home to her.”
“But, honey,” says the husband, “don’t you want children?
A guy dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter issues him a white robe, a harp, and his very own cloud to float around on.
The guy thinks this is great.
One day he sees another cloud float by.
The guy on that cloud has a gorgeous, nакеd woman and a keg of вееr with him.
The first guy finds St. Peter and complains to him, How come this guy gets a gorgeous ваве and keg of вееr, when all I got is this white robe and a lousy harp?
St. Peter says, I know just who you’re talking about. He’s being punished.
The guy can’t believe what he’s hearing.
How can that be?, he asks.
Well, says St. Peter, The keg has a hole in it, and the girl doesn’t.
Unbeknownst to Harold, the local tax collector, he was knocking on thedoor of a house inhabited by cannibals. A woman answered the door.
"I'm here to talk to a person named Stewart. He's a bit late on his tax payment."
"Actually, we just moved in with him recently. He can't see you now," she replied.
"Can I wait for him?"
"Sure! And while you're waiting, how would you like some dinner? You look very hungry. I've made up a delicious array of meat and vegetables simmered in a thick, seasoned broth. Sort of like goulash."
"This is highly inappropriate, but it does smell delicious. I'll have just a little." After finishing his meal, Harold says,
"Absolutely scrumptious! Can Stewart see me now?"
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave."
"But I was here to meet Stewart."
"Don't worry about meeting Stew. Go out to your car and give yourself a couple of hours. Stew will be right out!"