On their way to a classical music concert, a mother and daughter board the NY subway. “Look over there,” the mother says, “the man with the big suitcase. That’s the musician we are going to see in concert tonight!” Just as the mother speaks, the man reaches into his suitcase and pulls out a shiny violin. …
…
The musician stands up. “Excuse me,” he says, “but I need to practice for my concert, I hope you don’t mind.”
The people sitting around him grumble an incoherent response. “Thank you,” he says. Then he bends down and whispers into his suitcase, “You guys can come out now.”
Two completely nакеd little people, a little man and a little woman, climb out of the suitcase. The musician looks at them and says, “90 please.” At which point the little people immediately begin to make passionate love.
“Oh my gosh!” The mother screams.
Fwap, fwap, fwap, comes the rhythmic sound of the little people’s lоvемакing to a stunned crowd. Then the musician begins to play. His violin sings of sadness and loss, love and beauty, and by the time the song is over nearly everyone has tears in their eyes.
For a moment, there is complete silence. Then thunderous applause fills the train.
The mother and daughter approach the musician. “That was incredible,” the mother says, “but…do you need the midgets having sеx? There are children here!”
The musician reaches down and rests his hand proudly on the nакеd little man’s shoulder, “Of course! This is the best fuскing metro gnome I could find.”
A few Housewives were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said “My husband just won’t go to church with me, I think he’s going to go to Неll.”
This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in Неll.
So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said “I try to be good - I’m sure I’ll make it to Heaven.”
Another one said “No, I did this bad thing, I won’t make it.” So, then they noticed that one of the ladies wasn’t saying anything. And they looked at her and said “You’re such a nice lady, surely you’re going to Heaven…?”
She says “No, first thing in the morning, I’m going to buy me a ticket straight to Неll!”
They were shocked and asked Why??”
“Well, you don’t expect me to live in a world without men, do you??!?”
A man went on a dating website, hoping to find a wife. In his profile description he wrote, "Looking for a woman that is smart, pretty, funny, a good cook, organized at home, and has a BASS BOAT!"
He then paused, gave it some more thought, and added, "To be considered, please include picture of the boat."
A huge muscular man with a tiny head walks into a bar, and everyone stares at him becuase there impressed by his muscular physique, but there also shocked with his tiny head in contrast to his huge body. So the man walks up to order a drink and the bartender says" im not gаy or anything, but I'm impressed by your physique it's amazing, but why do you have such a little head". The man replies by saying " well it's a bit of a story, but one day I was walking in the woods until I encountered a talking frog, and the frog said " if you kiss me I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes". Then suddenly that frog turned into a beautiful nакеd women who then said" you now have 3 wishes, what do you wish for", I then said " I wish I had Arnold Schwarzeneggers body". Then my clothes rip from the huge body transformation, and I Had Arnold Schwarzenegger physique. The lady then said " what is your second wish", I said " I wish to have sеx with you". We start engaging in sеx, and in the middle of enjoyment the beautiful women whispers to me" you have one more wish" I then said " how a about a little head"?